“Awakening the Leviathan”

“You are living in the wonderful time of awakening; this is the time when more people will come into conscious realization of their own value” - My Awesome Voicemail

Joan called, excited about something she’d read, because I was the fortunate person to first cross her mind. I couldn’t help but think about how many folks are living disengaged, drowsy life, and, for some, they are sleep walking. This disengaged and drowsy lifestyle has made them numb; numb to all that is great and valuable, not only in themselves, but also in life and others.

How can one justify such an existence? Ever wonder what story they tell themselves each day? How they put stylus to scroll and document their life – with a straight face? What kind of blatant disregard for self would such an act take? When they look at themselves in the mirror, do they know who that stranger is? Or have they become so accustomed to seeing someone else in the mirror and being alright with it?

Want to know who “they” are?
They are…you…me. Every single time we devalue ourselves with toxic relationships, dysfunctional behavior, or our moral campus fails to point True North. With each of these relationships and behaviors, we are signing a lullaby to the Leviathan within. That Giant inside each of us that stands with a shield of courage and a sword of action; defending who we really are to the death, if need be.

So, how are YOU justifying such a life? What story are YOU telling yourself? Are you putting stylus to scroll with a straight face? Have you such a blatant disregard for yourself? So much that you know you see someone else in the mirror but claim her to be you?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Discernment and Recognition

Anyone can tell what time it is

It takes more to tell what season it is

- Frankie Mazzapica

As we continue to wade in the waters of the financial hurricane of 2008, it's quite easy for us to feel (perhaps rightly so) that the waters won't subside. It's easy for us to feel that we've lost everything - including all hope. We're concerned about how we'll provide for our posterity and wonder if there's any end in sight.

Though the three decades of my life may not be much, I have found that little, if anything, is random. I have found that there is purpose in everything; even, and especially, when we cannot see it. The Significant Life® begins with the recognition that, without purpose, life becomes meaningless; it becomes a mass of random occurrences that are unrelated and, therefore, have no value. Such a world, I cannot believe in...

Wise King Solomon noted that to every thing there is a season; the challenge for you and I lies in being able to recognize which season it is. For instance, it would be foolish to venture outside dressed in shorts and a t-shirt at the height of a mid-western winter or dressed in long Johns and heavy coats in August in Texas. All metaphors aside, without this discernment, we lose out on opportunities. A good friend of mine always says that "the opportunity of a lifetime is only available for the lifetime of the opportunity;" that means that if we do not grab a hold of it, the opportunity passes. How can we grab a hold of the opportunity if we do not understand the urgency that comes with certain seasons?

I do not know what season of life you are in; sowing...reaping...nurturing...studying...maturing...I don't know. The consequences of my lack of knowledge pales in comparison to your lack of knowledge about the season you are in. "What you don't know won't hurt you" it's been said. I say: What you don't know can kill you!

It's time to take ownership of your growth and development. Growth and development that requires not only the knowledge but an understanding of the season you're in. During a famine is the wrong time to enjoy excess; the season isn't right. Yet, like ants, the summer is the best time to store up for the winter. Without this discernment and wisdom, our efforts are useless as they contain no purpose and direction - we become wasteful of not only our goods, but also, and sadly, our potential...

Do you know what season it is?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Pawns and Tools

"If people are not on your path, then they're in your way"

- Summer Sanford

We graduated college together. So, when we met again about six years later, it was a loud and boistrous reunion. We were good friends in college but had simply lost contact after graduation. Interestingly, though, once we met again, it was as if we had never missed those years. Now, we connect on a regular basis, do business together, and even plan on playing golf together.

During one of our lunches, the words above were so potent that I had to stop lunch and our discussion to appreciate their weight. Subsequently, I typed them into my PDA and would not allow another word as I did so. Summer had basically diagnosed the cancer that is at the center of the human condition...one that blights our "crops" each year.

With each project, I am more and more convinced that people aren't really what their companies claim them to be - "our best asset." Perhaps it's because you cannot "truly" put people on the balance sheet. Whatever the reason might be, it does sound good, though; almost makes the management team sound like they actually care. I question their veracity!

Too many people - good people - have been used as tools and pawns on the corporate chess board. Sucked dry, only to be booted to the curb, these individuals who were "our best asset" are now nothing more than a faded memory. As we traverse the tumultuous post-economic collapse landscape, both management and "people" will have to recognize that every, single pawn is a potential queen...

...a queen that can move in multiple directions with unlimited distance. That means that "people" have to take ownership and personal interest in their growth and development (and stop playing the victim or simply being indifferent); and management has to step up and put their money where their mouth is. If people are their best asset, then they will have to develop them and get them involved. Without this partnership, people remain "in the way" or just another tool or pawn for another's agenda...

Are you a pawn?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Giving: It Really Starts a Chain Reaction

"We need to give people what we rarely get"

- Frankie Mazzapica

I am overwhelmed by the desperation I see in the eyes of my audiences with each trip. While their demeanors hold and posture the socially-acceptable "everything is alright," their eyes say otherwise.
They are starved for acceptance, recognition, and...here it comes...love...

On a recent trip, a friend smiled brightly because of "the way you make friends everywhere you go." I thought nothing of it possibly because I have worked at making it a habit to not only greet all who attend to me in stores, restaurants and other places of business, but to ask them their names and thank them personally. "Thank you, Deb," I might say. Or, "you really are the best, Tim." It is S.O.P in my world and now seems to flow out naturally and with ease...

To many, this might be posturing; being overzealous and manipulating people. To me, however, it is the way of life. I once heard it said that "a wise man knows everything, but a shrewd man, everyone." I count myself neither wise nor shrewd, but I find that all people need is a little encouragement and they will surprise you. There is enough negativity in the world and I always hope and believe that the little T.L.C I give others might be the one thing that turns the tide of the battle against indifference

When we allow ourselves to be conduits for compassion, joy, and laughter, we literally change the world. Think of the world as a tossed salad; every part of it creates a whole that can not only be delicious, but also wonderful for your body. Add a particular ingredient (almonds, a little fruit, etc), and it becomes a party in your mouth! That is the same thing that happens when we add depth to the lives of others with our laughter, smiles, and sincere interest in them. We, you and I, have the power to alter a waiter's shift and to change the course of generations. But, to do so, we must speak up...

Have you spoken up lately?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Curiosity “Killed” the Cat?

If we lead with questions rather than answers, curiosity can strip us of an agenda and stop us from holding so tightly to our own ideas and beliefs that aren’t able to consider others’
- Marcum & Smith in “Egonomics”

Like Bristol, I was “born with a huge bump of curiosity.” I have always tinkered. As a child, I tinkered with electronics (much to the chagrin of my parents), electricity (all it took was one shock and I never tinkered with it the same way), irrigation systems (oh, mommy just loves to tell this story), and so many other things. Today, I still tinker; the only difference is that I now tinker with ideas…

From the moment a book was first placed in my hands, I became an avid “thought-tinkerer.” I could not believe that there was only one “best way” or that “conventional wisdom” was correct. I remember arguing with my 3rd or 4th grade teacher that blood was not red – that is, not until it was out of the body. Of course, this is not true; but seeing the color of veins, I was certain blood itself was not red. I may have been wrong, but the curious fires in my soul were simply stoked by each discovery and revelation.

I was often told that “curiosity killed the cat” – I suppose that is what adults do to stop the questions from eager and questioning children: we say anything to stop them from asking another question, especially “why?” Fast-forward some 20 years and I find myself no different; I still want to know “why” and the fires of my curiosity refuse to become embers and ashes...

We cannot allow our curiosity to die; it is essential to our personal and professional growth. Without it, there can be no creativity…no progress. “Highly curious people are different than you might imagine,” say Marcum & Smith, “they have a unique ability to bring both openness and order to conversations, not excluding either in the way they think.” What a life we can create when we allow our curiosity to become the key that unlocks a whole new world of ideas and possibilities! You see, “curiosity gives us permission and courage to test what we think, feel, and believe to be true, reminding us we don’t know everything about anything” (Marcum & Smith).

Less than 1/2 of 1% of the U.S population has a Ph.D. I feel very privileged to be one of them; yet, all that I have discovered is that I know so little. That knowledge is what keeps me searching for and seeking ways to improve the human condition…

Are YOU curious?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Those Pesky “Little Things”…“Trifles”

Men are led by trifles
- Napoleon

Think naught a trifle, though it small appear
Small sands make the mountain, moments make the year
And trifle, life
- Young

It is interesting to note how little we pay attention to the “little things” – I know…a silly pun and play on words. But, seriously, you’d be amazed how a lack of respect for “little things” costs lives every day. In the United States, it is estimated that around 7,000 people die each year from medication errors – many of which are from that little thing called sloppy handwriting. Is it just me or we’ve just accepted the “fact” the doctors have poor penmanship? Trust me, “little things” matter!

Don’t believe me?
A Stamp Act to raise 60, 000 British Pounds produced an American Revolution and war that cost Her Majesty’s Government  100, 000, 000 Pounds!
Galileo conceived the idea of measuring time when the janitor in the cathedral at Pisa left a lamp swinging. It’s steady swing was the impetus for an idea that changed the face of humanity…
Thomas Edison conceived of the phonograph when he pricked his finger while singing to the mouthpiece of a telephone. Quite literally, that is all the story to the idea of the phonograph.
Shall I continue?

Your life is a series of moments; trifles, to the untrained and unappreciative eye. The thoughts you hold captive today, become the lifestyle you embody tomorrow. The lack of focus and effort you exhibit today, become the fruit of your life’s tree in the near future.
I know that your economy (thus said since yours and another’s is different) may be falling as fast as lead in a pond, but it’s the small things you do that matter the most right now – beginning with the things you’re meditating on, believing in (basically, where you place your Mentergy). It is in those “small” things that you will find your success and redemption from a shaken foundation...

What are you now going to pay attention to?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Belief: A Dimension of Mentergy

“Belief is the motivating force that enables you to achieve your goal” – Claude M. Bristol in “The Magic of Believing”, circa 1948

One of my favorite Scriptures is: “If you can believe, all things will be made possible to you.” An old Latin proverb says: “Believe that you have it, and you have it.” It’s amazing how what we use our mental capacities for determines what we have, both in the physical and metaphysical world. While some of my readers may equate this thought process of belief to pretty much an attitude, it is not. Attitude and Belief are related (as we will see next week), but they each produce different crops, if you will…

Suffice it so say, for now, that our mentergy is wasted when we either have “no” beliefs or negative beliefs. Successful people, regardless of their field of endeavor, are amazing believers! They see and believe in the buildings they erect, they believe in and see the efficient workforce they employ, and certainly believe in and see the fulfilled lives they hope to live. This belief in themselves can be an invigorating and motivating tool to spurn people into action.

I find that it is only when I have lost my belief – at the core, lost my faith – that I hit the hardest stretches in my journey. When I have lost faith in myself, have no belief in myself or the work I do, I tend to become a drag to be around (and, yes, even KOZHI hates to be around me!). This lack of belief gets me into trouble because I begin taking steps backward and shying away from the God-given mission for my life. Sadly, this is the point when I have lost so much…

What are you losing, my friend? Have you no belief? In yourself? In humanity? In hope? Will you now do something about it? Or will you exercise your right, yet again, to not believe in yourself and the greatness lying dormant within you? Or will you, with a victorious shout, step out of your comfort and fire up your latent energy?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

“Winning Victory”

Victory comes, at times, just when one no longer expects it
- Martin Buber (1878-1965)

I first came across Buber’s work while in college; specifically in my Philosophy of Religion course with Ms. Pak. A brilliant thinker, Buber, in this case, shows us just the kind of attitude it takes to win.

No matter the field of endeavor, it is often those who stick it out the longest that earn the prize. I must be clear here and note that I do not advocate futile efforts and attempts; some pursuits are lost even with “sticking it out.” What I am pushing for, instead, is an attitude of sustained energy – pushing all the way through, even when the end is uncertain.

World Series Champions and NBA Champions are not made by one game; they are forged in the depths of a grueling series. For some, it’s that fourth game that changes things…others, such as the NBA, the seventh and final one. No matter what point brings such turnaround and victory, it is never an isolated event; it takes time and systematic effort to get there.

 

As we traverse this challenging time in our economy, it is vital for us to learn how to manage our energies; after all, this is just part of the series. If we give up now, all is lost. Or, better said by the Apostle Paul: “Let us not be weary in well-doing; for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”

The key, my friend, is not to faint; not to give in, not to give up…to give it our all and our very best – to the end…

Have you given up?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Mentergy

“Such a powerful ability, the imagination!

But without wisdom, imagination is a cruel taskmaster”

- William P. Young in “The Shack”

Growing up, I was always dreaming and scheming. I envisioned where my life was going and I imagined what my success was going to be. Thank the Lord, my vision and imagination were taken to heights that I did not even think possible! My move from my parents’ farm in Lusaka West to the Great State of Texas? Never thought that my imagination would take me this far. I truly could go on and on about how the “future” turned out to be greater than I thought it would be as I imagined back then…

 

The interesting thing about imagination, however, is that it can become like a child running with a pair of scissors – potentially fatal. Our mental energy – something I call “mentergy” – is an amazing tool that must be harnessed and used with wisdom. Use it wisely, and the world will bow at your feet; misuse or abuse it, and you’ll be bound and in the stocks forever. The things that we set our imagination to truly determine the quality and quantity of life. Mel Gibson’s William Wallace said, “Every man dies…but not every man really lives.” Living in a choice! And our imagination has a great role to play in whether we really live; as free and able men, women, and children

When we set our mentergy on negative things – fear, anger, sadness, confusion, doubt, etc – we are not only wasting a precious commodity, we are becoming that which we are pouring our energy into. It is then that our imagination becomes a cruel and unforgiving taskmaster. And, sadly, it is then that we become poor stewards of the amazing gift of imagination the Almighty has bestowed upon each of us. No other creature on earth has been given this great ability to imagine. Let us, therefore, cherish it…

What are you doing with your gift?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Energy – The Real Currency Of Life

My least favorite course in high school was Physics. Mr. Jacob, from India, was a good man with a very distinctive accent. Yet, because this course was required, I sat through many classes learning about Newton’s Laws and other components of the course. As I think about the direction that this post (and others over the next few weeks) will take, I am drawn to…”energy”. According to my physics class, energy is the capacity to do work.

If that is truly the case, it is safe to say that energy is the currency we use to “pay” for life. As I have mentioned before, “time” isn’t what we must manage from day to day; it is energy. How we manage our energy (replenish it, use it, and conserve it) determines how successful and whole our days are. If we expend all our energy at “work”, we come home with nothing left to give to our children and our spouses, for instance. Likewise, if we expend all our energy on our personal lives, our professional lives suffer from neglect.

If we are to make the most and the best out of life, we need to be careful where we expend, for instance, our mental energy. Worrying is simply meditating on the negative. If we use the energy we expend on worrying to think of positively creative ways to handle life and its challenges, we will find ourselves happier and more focused. Use it on fear or worry, and we will find ourselves miserable and drained….

So, where have you been expending your energy lately?

 

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Only if it Matters...

"We survive on too little sleep, wolf down fast foods on the run, fuel up with coffee and cool down with alcohol and sleeping pills. Faced with relentless demands at work, we become short-tempered and easily distracted. We return home from long days at work feeling exhausted and often experience our families not as a source of joy and renewal, but as one more demand in an already overburdened life"
- Loehr & Schwartz in 'The Power of Full Engagement'

I recently spent almost three and a half weeks on bed rest; being extremely active, this was akin to a life sentence - in solitary. While I did not spend this time alone, I certainly struggled with the loss of mobility...
I became intimately acquainted with the color of the room in which I spent most of my days, and now know where the flaws in paint and drywall are. I also developed an acute awareness of the things that mean the most in my life. Before this season in my life, I was the epitome of zeal, zest and life - always filled with kinetic energy from my constant movement (literally and figuratively). I found, in my moments when the drugs weren't hazing my mind, that I had everything that I needed in life...that I had more than I had hoped for or others had thought I'd attain.
You see, until life becomes obnoxious and imposes her will on us, we can go through life as though everything and everyone else did not matter save for us and our vision, plan, and hopes. The obnoxious imposition may come in varying ways and to varying degrees, but the result is the same: we find that we're not in control as much we think.
Loehr & Schwartz could not have said it better: we're on our way to doom if we keep up the pace with which we're living life. I know...I know. Bills need to be paid, children need to be fed and clothed, and having a roof over our heads cannot be underrated; yet, in our pursuit of these things, we may be hurting those whom we claim to be breaking our backs for - including ourselves.
As economists claim that the recession is "bottoming out" (what does that really mean to you and I, right?), many of us have been forced to take a long and sober look at the practice of our lives. We have been forced to strip all aspirations away, all masks have been removed, and now we are naked and bare - our true and real selves revealed. Forced to contend with the darkness of our hearts, we have come to reduce our lives to the simple things...
...the smiles, laughs and hugs from my soon-to-be 13 year old goddaughter...Sunday dinner with friends - fully equipped with a game of dominos in tow...being able to return home each day after pouring myself to others having not be hurt or killed on the road...the list could go on. Bottom line: our family (those with whom we share biological DNA and those with whom we share social or spiritual DNA) is all that matters. When the economy tanks, they are there; when the walls seem like they are caving in, they are there; when we doubt our abilities and competencies, they are there.

I wonder: have you appreciated these people lately?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

It's not...easy!

"It's kinda hard being humble in the belly of struggle..."
- Busta Rhymes



I have had an interesting week, to say the least...
It's amazing how much we all take for granted...our freedom...our ability to breathe "relatively" clean air and drink safe water. In the midst of my own difficulties, I have become acutely aware of the things that some of my friends are currently enduring...

Not only are they dealing with tremendous challenge and pressure, we are all struggling with the reality of disheveled dreams. This reality tends to blur the vision of our lives and we wonder if we are going to make it. But...

"...when all you can see is your pain, you lose sight of the most important things...pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly...and left unresolved for very long, you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place" (Young in 'The Shack')

Yes, it can be hard to be humble in the belly of struggle - Jonah, for instance, wasn't truly humble in the belly of the fish. But that does not excuse us from the effort. We are still required to put forth the effort, make the hard decision, and do everything we can to grow and improve. If we don't, we waste a potent opportunity to become more of the men, women, and children we were made to be. Winged...and able to fly

What's clipping your wings?



(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

A Voice in the Choir

Life takes a bit of time and a lot of relationship
- William P. Young in "The Shack"

"The world is your stage," I began.
"You have a voice. A unique one. One that will surely be missed if you do not speak or sing your lines."

This was my first lecture to my eager Introduction to Speech Communication students this summer. I was trying to get them to understand how their unique voice was necessary for the "Musical of the Earth" to be a runaway hit. I wanted them to note how their unique voice, set in the backdrop of the "choir" of the world, was especially chosen to sweeten the melodies and symphonies of life on earth. If they failed to speak or sing their lines, it would be nothing short of tragic...

And that same challenge, I now pass on to you...
You have a unique voice. You are, as one of my favorite authors put it, "YOU-nique." My experience on earth will be less than complete if you do not speak or sing your lines. How you raise your children, what educational and career path you choose, which outlook you venerate each day...all these, and more, have a direct effect on me and my experience of earth. You may be raising the next Bach, Van Gogh, Einstein, or George Washington; you may be the example in the office that a potential suicide attempt rests on; you may be the one person on the freeway that prevents a deadly pile-up.

Sadly, no one will ever know...
...not unless you first recognize how much of an asset you are to me...to all of us. How much I need you, just as you need me; how you don't have to be the lead for this musical piece, but the piece is incomplete without your voice...

Will you speak and sing your lines today?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Change and Renewal

"Reinvent"
- verb (used with object)

1. to invent again or anew, especially without knowing that the invention already exists
2. to remake or make over, as in a different form
3. to bring back; revive




If "necessity is the mother of all invention", then being "between a rock and a hard place" must be the mother of re-invention. As I watch the reactions and attitudes around me with respect to the economy, I cannot help but note how it's amazing what can happen when we're faced with no recourse but change...

For tax purposes, most businesses in the United States can be considered...people. They have a birthday...and, some, have a death day. They also have a social security number...a tax ID. For these businesses to survive, they must constantly change their orientation, business focus, configuration, etc. In short, their strategic outlook must be well-versed in the times. It makes little sense, for instance, for a metals production company to increase steel inventory when demand is low for steel, but high for copper. The company must change orientation and focus on copper production.

We are not very different from companies; we must constantly change our vision, plan, focus, orientation...configuration. Nothing shows us this requirement more than tragedy and challenge. As we enter a new era (what we hope to one day call the "Post-Financial Collapse of 2008"), it is those who have dedicated themselves to being fresh and strategic in their living who will own the day.

When was the last time you revised your life plan?



(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Courage

"To courageously shoulder the responsibility of one's mistakes is character"
- Fortune Cookie



There's something especially humbling about failure; a quality that insufficiency evokes in us. It is at these failure turns, twists, and forks in the road that we discover our inadequacy, become fully acquainted with our fragility, and a heightened awareness of our mortality reveals itself. The manner in which we view ourselves and the world around us changes in the blink of an eye; we are touched in a way that morphs us into individuals with a deeper sense of purpose and a singular focus - to live life fully and wholly.

"It is the most liberating thing to not have to be perfect," I said to my 'Introduction to Speech Communication' students this morning. When we recognize that mistakes are inevitable - that they are part of the learning process - we become less averse to making them. And, when we do, we boldly and courageously shoulder the outcomes; knowing that we have mastered fear rather than been mastered by it.

I find that seeing my size in relation to the remainder of the world has potent "medicinical" purpose; introspectively and otherwise. When it is not always about me, I am more apt to see the needs and hurts of others. When the focus is removed from what can be done for "number one", I become viral in my ability to reach out to others. And this state of affairs is brought about most effectively by failure...by mistakes. And, honestly, it requires daily effort to shoulder the burdens and responsibilities associated with mistakes.

As we face another fiscal quarter with an ailing economy marked by almost 10% unemployment nationwide, we are forced to shoulder the responsibilities of good and bad judgment; of wise and unwise financial transactions; of choices made and unmade. Whatever our gains or loses, it is prudent for us to learn that our character as individuals and as Citizens of the World can only be sharpened if we consciously choose for it to happen. Sure, some of us will lose our homes, our vehicles, and, to a degree, our way of life. But make no mistake, my friends; if we, but, set our hopes on who we could potentially become, there will be no economy awful enough to quench the fires of creativity and growth we will stoke...

Is that a monkey on your back...or something else?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Por Que?

'There is no such thing as chance; and what seems to us the merest accident springs from the deepest source of destiny."
- Johann Christoph Friedrich von Schiller (1759-1805)



I finally got to watch "The Curious Life of Benjamin Button" after learning that the sciatica nerve in my left leg has more power than the IRS to elicit total obedience and compliance. In the semi-delirious state brought about by a potent cocktail of cyclobenzaprine, hydrocodone, acetaminophen, and naproxen, I was laid up in pin-drop silence as the story of Benjamin Button - who "ages backwards" - was revealed...


...as I thought about this post, I was brought back to Benjamin's recital of the events that took place prior to, his love, Daisy's career-ending demise. "If only"...a pair of words that may have likely changed the story; down to the milisecond, every occurrence before that fateful event seemed to be intricately orchestrated.


"By whom?" you ask. Well, it depends on your belief system. Whomever or whatever you believe to be behind it all, the common denominator is me, you...the individual. I don't believe that we are powerless to destiny, but rather that we are co-authors of our destiny. While life may come at us with winds filled with hurricane fury, whether or not we become victims is a choice that we make.


Sadly, we spend too much time trying to understand why what has happened to us happened; that is, instead of focusing on the lessons to be learned from the experience. We are all defined by particular and peculiar situations; they come at us without fear or favor...respecting none of us. Yet, no matter how it all looks to be by chance, there is often something at work that is larger than we are...

That said, I urge you to take inventory of your life.
Inventory.
Taking stock.
Have you learned from the occurrences of the past month?
Or, better yet, what have you learned from the past month?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Who's Driving?

...it's not easy when the road is your driver
- Celine Dion, "When I Need You" (1997)

Have you ever felt that way? Like you had no control of anything?
No matter what you did, nothing seemed to go your way? If you have not, I applaud you; you are among a very small minority. For many of us, the road tends to be the driver with such frequency, we budget for it each quarter!

Being in the business of dealing with human behavior and development, it's amazing how it still surprises me how shocked many of us are when we go through seasons with no maps, no instructions...no direction. Celine Dion, the best-selling female artist of all time, could not have put it more succinctly, nor could she have been more correct, when she prefaced the season with "it's not easy..."

As with all posts on this blog, I'd like to shed some light on the role we individually play in the midst of seasons of darkness. I cannot speak for everyone, but I can certainly speak for myself when I say that sometimes we need to pull over. Yes, the road may wish to be the driver every now and then; however, we have to choose whether we remain clueless passengers or we grab life by the horns and determine the speed we travel, the vehicle in which we travel, and the baggage we carry. We have to choose whether we trade our victim mentality for a determined and destined one. We choose...

Of all the marvelous gifts God gave me, I am most thankful for free will - the ability to make choices and decisions. This happens to be the least used gift we possess; especially when set against the backdrop of a more litigious society and one that has become less about personal "responsibility" and more about "rights." Before you write the ACLU about this, let me say that I strongly believe in having my rights - to bear arms, to a fair trial, etc - but not at the expense of shunning responsibility.

When a drunk driver is given probation for being quite past the legal alcohol limit and hits a couple on a motorcycle head on (nearly killing one and maiming both) and then hits the vehicle behind them, one has to wonder where "responsibility" comes in. Four lives...changed in less than 60 seconds. Yet, the person responsible never gets to answer for it. I'll let you be the judge...

While I deeply sympathize with anyone going through a time of the road being the driver, I have to say that you do have a choice. If you cannot stop immediately, eventually there will be a gas/bathroom stop. Use it to make your escape and determine your path. Refuse to be the victim or a clueless passenger. It's your only life to live. Live completely!

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

It's not...over!

"Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished:
If you're alive, it isn't."
- Richard Bach

Feelings of despair often wrap themselves around us like a warm blanket in the winter. At that point, every decision and motive is filtered through these feelings. We wonder about our worth, our abilities, or if what we have to offer...the world even desires. Self-doubt becomes our constant companion while we, like Columbus, try to find our way in the vastness of - not the ocean as Columbus - a sea of faces strewn over the earth. And when we make port, thinking we have hit our India, we base our judgments on false information and assumptions that only perpetuate mythical realities...
We've all been there; have we not? Nothing seems to go right. The kids fall ill, one by one; a key account cancels the order that was to make the year for you - and simultaneously significantly alter your net worth; "all of a sudden," you and your significant other take "Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus" literally and begin speaking in different tongues - one speaking squirrel, the other speaking whale; every light is red [especially when you're late]; the State Trooper misses the bright red corvette that was driving at 90 mph, but tags you, in your gray Ford Taurus driving at 75 mph in a 70 mph zone. The list goes on...
...isn't it tempting to throw our hands in the air? To wish the end would come? It's adding insult to injury when the storm comes through and blows the house down, but leaves the west wall - only to have a small gust snap a pine that crashes the last remnants of what used to be your home...isn't it? "C'est vrai! La vie es tres dificile!" my late high school French teacher taught us. Life can be difficult. It's not, as Celia Cruz sings: "La vida es un carnaval." It's not often a joy and a party. Yet, in all honesty, it is you and I that decide whether or not we find joy in it. It all comes down to a choice.
The tide turns when we realize that, had our mission and role been accomplished on Earth, we'd be elsewhere. So long as we have zoe, the breath of life, in us, there's yet more for us to do. It may be to hug our children more, serve the community more, develop technologies that will shape future generations, or improve the human condition through our service as teachers, nurses, or...speakers?
Whatever our role is, then, it is not complete. Each of us 6.5 billions souls on Earth have a role to play. Do you know your role?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

"Mailo"

"Mailo" - Yesterday...or Tommorow

Nyanja, like many of the other 60 plus languages of Zambia, is an interesting language. For most who speak only one language, the intricacies of meaning can be lost because they have only one referent. For those of us who are bi or multi lingual, language is something to behold. As I thought about what to write this week, I was brought back to our propensity for living in the past...
I know...we've talked about this before, but after working with someone this week who is fiercely fighting a daunting and haunting past, I thought it prudent to address it again. In Nyanja, the same word is used to refer to yesterday and tomorrow. In order for one to know which it refers to, one would need to pay particular attention to the discussion. I find that this attentiveness is the same we need for us to overcome daunting and haunting pasts...
If you're like many of us, the economy has affected you in some small or significant way. If you're like most of us, you've become proficient at kicking yourself for the decisions you made or the actions you took. Regardless of the economy's effect on you, you have to be careful how you use "mailo" - are you going to focus on "mailo yesterday" or "mailo tomorrow"? The choice you make will determine whether you become better...or bitter. What say you?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Bitter Waters

...if you take anger into a second day, anger changes: it morphs into bitterness
- Kerry & Chris Shook in "One Month to Live"

I just returned from one of my two monthly blood donations. The team at The Woodlands Neighborhood Donor Center and I have become quite close; constantly teasing and filling the suite with laughter. I have the unique opportunity, twice a month, to give both platelets and plasma; essentials for trauma victims as well as cancer patients (since donating my hair is out of the question). I have been donating blood for some time now, yet I am still intrigued by the process of the machine taking my blood and breaking it down into the needed platelets and plasma. While not a true morphing, there is a wonderful transformation of my whole blood into constituent parts...
Anger is quite similar to blood, when you pass it through the "Time and Meditation Machine" - it becomes something else. Sadly, none of its constituents are useful for the giver or the recipients. Whether you are facing the harsh aftermath of the recent turn of economic events or you're dealing with a personal dilemma of catastrophic proportions, there's a possibility that you can, could, or have become bitter.
We have a tendency to want to explain things. And, in the right setting, this can be a wonderful trait. Without it, polio would not have been eradicated nor would many of the technological advancements that have changed our health and way of life been possible . Yet, this incessant need to explain things can also lead us to become bitter. According to The New Ecyclopedic Dictionary of the English Language, the word "bitter" comes from the AngloSaxon word "bitan" - to bite. The problem with biting down without any other thought is that we cannot be nourished - essential, we do not grow.
Imagine being at your favorite steakhouse and ordering their best cut; cooked to your specifications, you cut a piece and do nothing but bite into it. No chewing, no swallowing; nothing. Would you gain anything?
See? That's what happens when we become bitter. We bite down and never enjoy the flavor of life. We do not gain the nutrients from the environment that we need to grow or improve ours and the human condition. There are going to be many ups and downs; and being angry is fine - after all, it is a human emotion. However, we need to be careful not allow our anger (righteous or not) to become something that is of no use to us or others.

What are you doing with your anger?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.