Who Determines the Pace?

"...except for the elite, marathoners do not really compete against each other"
- Harvey Mackay, "Pushing the Envelope...All the Way to the Top"

I was speaking recently at a graduation and expressed an important thought to the graduates and their families: YOU WILL HAVE TO DETERMINE YOUR FUTURE; IF NOT, SOMEONE ELSE WILL SURELY DO IT FOR YOU!

With the interesting state of the economy, many of us are in reactive and panic mode. Let me be sure to note that I do not take lightly the fact that jobs are being lost, homes and vehicles are being taken away, or that retirement and college savings are all but part of a disappearing act or "trick" (where, of course, the audience is not applauding in sheer and joyful amazement). Yet, there's something to be said about focusing on the most important things: WE determine who we ARE during this process.

The late Erich Fromm, psychoanalyst extraordinaire, wrote a book entitled "To Have or to Be". What a potent story just in the title! It's not about what we have or are losing, friends; it's about WHO we are becoming as a result of the losses we are incurring.

"Whatever, Kozhi; you're not feeling the pangs of labor as I am!" you say. Really? I know about loss, my friends; not only do I know about loss, I am intimately acquainted with it - it's on my speed dail! $34,000 project vanished! An entire month's worth of speaking and training cancelled. I don't know what you're going through, but I am acquainted with what you're feeling. While I may not be an expert in your situation, I AM in mine and I know that this all stinks. But so does manure...yet it's amazing what it does for the plant life it is spread over...

What am I trying to say? Don't base your judgments in this situation on how you're faring compared to those around you - they have their own issues to deal with. Like a marathoner, focus on COMPLETING your 26 miles and 385 yards.

YOU determine the pace; take ownership and pride in that. Our bank accounts and investments may have zeroed, but it's not what we have but who we ARE. Let us, collectively, focus on who we're going to be because of, and in spite of, this tough and challenging time. I believe in your ability to triumph. Yet, as Mackay says, "you'll never turn TRY into TRIUMPH...without adding the UMPH!"

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Stress

"Stress is the fertilizer of creativity"
- Jon Vogt ("24")

With the global economy as it is, "stress" has become the staple of many minds. If you aren't feeling the pangs as a woman in labor, you are among the fortunate few. Over the weeks, I have been quietly researching and recording the vocal thoughts of both the well-to-do and the middle class. It is amazing how there is stress in each of these classes. The middle class hope to save their homes and vehicles primarily, while the well-to-do hope to stop the hemorraging in their investment accounts. With that precursor, it is quite clear that we are all feeling the stress that comes with an economic downturn...

Bear with me, then, as I play my psychoanalytical role for a few moments. Stress, as a matter of course, is not a bad thing. In fact, stress can be in two forms: eustress and distress. Eustress is the stress that is necessary for everyday functioning. For instance, it takes this kind of stress to keep your body and muscles in correct balance for you to stand, sit, drive, etc. Distress, on the other hand, is "negative" stress that overloads your mind, body, soul, and spirit. While eustress helps the body to function, distress overloads the body and stunts growth as well as causes damage that may be irreparable...

...the fortunate thing for you and I, then, is that we can make a choice about how we let the stresses of life affect and, in turn, move us. I am hardpressed to think of any organization today that is using the same strategy it used during the economic boom years. All of us, individuals and organizations alike, must now "improvise, overcome, and adapt" (Born Beating the Odds) within this immensely challenging environment. Failure to do so means only one thing: extinction. All of us are innundated with doom and gloom as it pertains to organizations (which, for all intents and purposes, are living, breathing and tax-paying "individuals") but there's another group we hear nothing about: us!

Many of us are going through emotional, psychological, spiritual, and, yes, physical extinction. We feel as though we have failed - terribly! Our homes are in jeopardy, our children's 529s are now 5.9s and let's not even talk about those 4.1Ks that were once 401Ks. We need to remember, however, that we are more than our homes and other assets. Yes, we have a physical self, a social self, and a spiritual self. We just need to be careful not to equate our loses in our physical self (the sum total of our assets and benefits) to the totality of WHO we are. We are human BEINGS - ever changing...and, hopefully, ever growing. The essence of change, my friends, is growth. We must grow from this stress - not become smaller or weaker.

When we work out in the gym, we are putting stress on our muscles - not for them to become weaker, but for them to become stronger. Muscles grow when they become longer. They become longer the more you stretch (I know...a true pun for "stress"). So, consider this season a time of stretching. For, it is the "warm up" that you need to ensure that your "muscles" grow and you become even more of the unique and special individual that you are!

Talk to me...

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

We "don't" have a Choice?

The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice
- George Eliot

With the economic titanic having hit its iceberg, many, if not most, of us are wondering if there's any hope...any recourse. We're all wondering what tomorrow will look like but we're terrified by the shadows we see today. Bailout? Foreclosure? Repo? Recession? The Great Depression? Layoff? Unemployement? All these words and phrases have become as common as the word "Google" and it's not settling well with us.

While the seriousness of this situation and time we are in cannot be underscored, it is important to note that we are not helpless in this situation. We cannot be tossed and driven by the waves of each news report; we cannot be utterly destroyed by each ding on our credit report. We must, instead, recognize that we have a choice in all of this. We get to choose which attitude we will carry towards the challenges before us. Sure, it's pretty easy to say this when someone is not facing a repo, foreclosure, or unemployment; but be assured that we are ALL facing the same climate - some of us have just chosen to carry an umbrella in the middle of the rain.

There is no way to predict which way things will go in a good economy or in a bad one; in either one, there is only one predictor of success and peace - MY attitude...MY choices. Like you, I don't know how much more pressure my heart, my mind, my soul, my finances, or my sanity can take; but I do know that, when it's all said and done, it will all come down to the choices I make with regard to HOW I view each and every circumstance before me.

"Choice is the essence of what I believe it is to be human," said Liv Ullmann (1984). Let us each make being a human amazing by embracing the fact that we DO have a choice - even though there is nothing but darkness around us and we cannot see our way out...

A Final Thought on Personality

THE WELL-DEVELOPED, WELL-INTEGRATED PERSONALITY IS THE HIGHEST PRODUCT OF EVOLUTION, THE FULLEST REALIZATION WE KNOW OF IN THE UNIVERSE
- Julian Huxley (1887-1975)

We spend a great deal of our lives learning who we are and becoming more of what and who we really are. It is when we have become comfortable with who and what we are that our very best self is portrayed. It can be seen in the way we treat ourselves, the way we treat others (friends, foes or strangers), and the attitude with which we conduct our daily lives.
More than anything, we learn that we are more powerful than we can ever imagine! We learn that we are co-authors of our destinies; while forces outside of us (family, work, God, etc) may be at work, what is at work within us is of even greater consequence. That is, our personality can become an amazing tool of leverage so that we constantly aspire for greater things.
Yet, and even so, it is in learning who we really are that we can aspire for greatness. Until we are comfortable with who we are, we will never bring our best to the thrill of being alive (with all of life's twists and turns). The challenge, then, is to develop a solid understanding of who we are so that we can be comfortable with what we do have and what we do not. Who knows? We may just discover an innate ability that might benefit the world in a marvelous fashion...

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

More on "Personality as Leverage"

PERSONALITY CAN NEVER DEVELOP UNLESS THE INDIVIDUAL CHOOSES HIS OWN WAY, CONSCIOUSLY AND WITH MORAL DELIBERATION (Carl Jung, 1875-1961)

Choice? We have a "say" in our personality? An emphatic "yes"! While we may be a product of nature and nurture, there is a lot that we have a say about; we cannot continue to hide behind the cloak of being affected - we must affect!

Life never gives us the perfect settings. We work with bosses and colleagues we do not particularly care for; we drive next to individuals whose vehicular skills are highly questionable; we are affected by whether it is minus forty degrees outside or 100 degrees. Either way, the personality we CHOOSE to display in the face of each of these and other circumstances truly determines just how well we cope with the challenges and joys of life.

Having a personality that beckons others towards us is something that can be worked on! Solomon, the wisest man of the his time, said simply: "If you want friends, be friendly!" It is amazing how such a disposition towards others can draw them to want to learn more about you and what you're about.

You see, the truth is that REAL people aren't truly interested in WHAT you do, they are interested in WHO you are! Try it......you may just shock yourself into amazing circumstances...

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Personality as Leverage

Carl Jung noted: "Real increase of personality means consciousness of an enlargement that flows from inner sources." I believe that it is this component of who we REALLY are that we hide so much yet it could yield the most satisfying relationships and other great returns.
When we are comfortable with not only WHO we are but also WHAT we are, it means that we never have to rely on "polish" to connect with others. Some call this ability to "just be" one's "charisma" or "the IT factor". I have found that we all have the "IT" factor - we are just not happy with "IT"!
When we operate from the core of our being, we never have to be anything other than what we really are; in other words, we are genuine. And it is the most genuine people that connect better with others and seem to get all the breaks. However, we have to begin my taking stock of what lies deep within our personality.
Psychologist Robert Johnson's 1993 book is perfectly titled "Owning Your Own Shadow." The denials we are so passionate about making with respect to who we really are only show that we have to learn how to own our own shadows - after all, we ALL have them! To flourish in a fast-paced world, we must be adept at being real and honest with ourselves, first and foremost. Only then can we be comfortable and real with others.
There is much in each of our personalities that is wonderful and much that is not so. It is in our ability to take honest inventory that we begin a journey of self-discovery and enlightenment that will shoot us into new heights. What's YOUR inventory looking like?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

The Fight Against Indifference

"A different world cannot be built by indifferent people"

Part of the "Journey of Significance" requires a layover that gives us the opportunity to choose what kind of world we would like to see in the present and leave for the future. Without this layover, we become nonchalant about the state of our lives, those of our family, friends, neighbors, and, ultimately, all of humanity. Such, unfortunately, is the live we have become accustomed to; we have become indifferent and "don't care either way" as one person said to me once.

If we truly wish the world to be different, we have to stand for something - something grander than ourselves and what's immediately best for us. I believe there are only two kinds of people in the world: those who live my preference, and those who live by conviction. Outside of these, others are simply indifferent; and it is these indifferent people can become an intolerable nuisance to themselves, family, friends, neighbors, and, yes, the world at large. This is because they have made no choice...no decision...and have no sense of purpose and direction for life. They do not stand for anything...so, often, they fall for everything.

The SIGNIFICANT Life is about discovering what we will live for and what will die for. It is easier to become a martyr than to live for something. We quickly stand front and center to die for something (our country, our children, our values) but not a decibel can be heard when we are required to live for something. Such is the state of human experience and existence today; shoddy and indifferent...

**Our discussion on "leverage" will continue over the coming weeks, for those of you following closely. Thank you for your patience.**

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai.
No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.