"We are never defined by our past...we are only prepared by it."
- Alexander Phiri, Milton Keynes, England (emphasis mine)
Alex and I share many common life experiences; when we have our "almost weekly" phone conversations, it's both encouraging and challenging. Kindred hearts and spirits...we're separated by the Atlantic but united by a bond of brotherhood like no other. In a recent conversation, Alex and I were discussing the past: its ability to render impotent even the most viable dreams and its uncanny manouevers against creativity. It was then that Alex said: "You know, Sid, we are never defined by our past...we are only prepared by it." He went on to share how every single act, situation, and thought from my past is the eclectic education I needed to function effectively in my present.
I wonder, then...
...at what point does the past become a preparatory tool? Friends, I believe that it is when we choose - when we become bold enough to face our past and declare it our "Future Preparatory School." It's been said that mistakes are only made when one does not learn from them. In other words, if you learned from it, it is not a mistake. That is, it was necessary to educate you about a particular thing or situation. Think about it: it is that one math problem, that one grammar issue that you made that became something you'd never forget. Why? Because you allowed it to become a learning opportunity.
I know that this is a difficult season we're going through at present; pirates are terrorizing folks on the high seas, brands we've come to consider household staples are being phased out, factories we've come to think of as part of our towns are shutting down, and, now, a pathogen that has nothing to do with pork is making its worldwide tour! To top it all off, we're in the midst of our own personal financial recessions, depressions and meltdowns. At the risk of sounding insensitive to these and other issues clogging our mental arteries...so what!? What do we do now? How do we move past this and gain the higher ground? How do we become even more of the men, women and children we've been destined and crafted to be?
How about allowing each situation to marinate and then become a learning opportunity? Why not learn from our financial mishaps? Our complacency? Our apathy? Whatever we do, there are only two choices here: become astute and studious about the past or let it extend its long arm into your present to beat you to a pulp. I hope you will instead, like me, sharpen your pencil and bring your notepad...
...what do you have to lose?
(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
There's Something...
"How does a person survive his own life, the ceaseless surprises, uncertainties, struggles, reroutings in strange, inconvenient directions? What force is it, exactly, that flips a falling man back on his feet, reconstitutes him after disaster, helps him prevail in the face of challenges far beyond his previous limits? What mysterious strength is it that enables us to outsmart 'the terrorists within,' those destructive maniacs under the skin - cynicism, despair, resignation, terror - that threaten to stop us in our tracks? Finally, how is it possible not merely to survive our greatest obstacles but to prevail in circumstances that threaten to stop us?"
- "When You're Falling, Dive", Mark Matousek
Questions...
...the seeds of discovery.
No doubt, as the turbulence of our present world presses hard against our minds, we all have questions. "Are we going to make it?" "Will I keep my home?" "My car?" "My job?" "How will I feed and clothe the children?" "What kind of man/woman am I?" "Unable to provide?"
Yes, these are truly potent and real questions. They haunt many of us daily with seemingly justifiable intensity. Yet, the truth is that these questions are like seedless watermelons; great to snack on but cannot produce a thing! They do good to nourish us for the day, but give us nothing for our future or our posterity...
Matousek is on to something with his questions, though; there IS something in us - whether it is latent or currently in use - that can and should be exploited to pull us out of our challenge, our misery...our dilemma. You see, the first rule of holes is very simple: STOP DIGGING! "Watermelon Questions" get us deeper into our hole; they remove responsibility from us and place it on others. Rather than give us something to "carry forward," they bribe us with the sweetness of immediate gratification...and while intoxicated by this sweetness, the same children we're concerned for - our posterity - lose out on a stronger future because we've refused to face the giant.
I believe that the RIGHT questions can pull us out of many challenges; again, it has to be the RIGHT questions. Many people saw the apple fall; Newton not only asked "why" - he asked the RIGHT question. I'm quite certain that "how"..."when"..."where"...or "who" might have been questions to ask as well. However, it was that "why" question that brought us scientific discovery that has shaped our world in a significant way. You and I don't have to be a Newton to make a dent on history; all we have to do is ask ourselves the right questions so that we can effectively become better suited and armed for a greater and bolder future.
What questions, then, are you asking yourself? Are you in the doldrums, completely lost in your own world and feeling sorry for yourself? Or are you now seeking opportunities based on the changes in the circumstances? Whatever you do, or are doing, one thing is for sure: the outcome is clear whichever way you go. That is why your CHOICE is much more important right now than your situation...
(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.
- "When You're Falling, Dive", Mark Matousek
Questions...
...the seeds of discovery.
No doubt, as the turbulence of our present world presses hard against our minds, we all have questions. "Are we going to make it?" "Will I keep my home?" "My car?" "My job?" "How will I feed and clothe the children?" "What kind of man/woman am I?" "Unable to provide?"
Yes, these are truly potent and real questions. They haunt many of us daily with seemingly justifiable intensity. Yet, the truth is that these questions are like seedless watermelons; great to snack on but cannot produce a thing! They do good to nourish us for the day, but give us nothing for our future or our posterity...
Matousek is on to something with his questions, though; there IS something in us - whether it is latent or currently in use - that can and should be exploited to pull us out of our challenge, our misery...our dilemma. You see, the first rule of holes is very simple: STOP DIGGING! "Watermelon Questions" get us deeper into our hole; they remove responsibility from us and place it on others. Rather than give us something to "carry forward," they bribe us with the sweetness of immediate gratification...and while intoxicated by this sweetness, the same children we're concerned for - our posterity - lose out on a stronger future because we've refused to face the giant.
I believe that the RIGHT questions can pull us out of many challenges; again, it has to be the RIGHT questions. Many people saw the apple fall; Newton not only asked "why" - he asked the RIGHT question. I'm quite certain that "how"..."when"..."where"...or "who" might have been questions to ask as well. However, it was that "why" question that brought us scientific discovery that has shaped our world in a significant way. You and I don't have to be a Newton to make a dent on history; all we have to do is ask ourselves the right questions so that we can effectively become better suited and armed for a greater and bolder future.
What questions, then, are you asking yourself? Are you in the doldrums, completely lost in your own world and feeling sorry for yourself? Or are you now seeking opportunities based on the changes in the circumstances? Whatever you do, or are doing, one thing is for sure: the outcome is clear whichever way you go. That is why your CHOICE is much more important right now than your situation...
(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Empathy
"Empathy...lubricates human relationships"
- Harvey Mackay
An interesting discussion ensued this week, as I shared with my interpersonal communication students the basic tenets of empathy...
...its power to let others know we're listening...its ability to remind us of our own brokenness and need for connection. No matter what kind of relationship we're dealing with, it is improved when the other person feels important - understood and appreciated. "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care," its been said. It couldn't be put any more succinctly!
As we all battle the New Economy, "good people" are facing difficult situations and the arbitrary measures we use to size people up - credit scores, for instance - matter so little. Recently, I was sitting one of my former students' office, a Vice President at a bank, when one of his associates dropped the fancy keys of a BMW X5 - the individual who had the vehicle simply could not keep up with the payments...
Are we to judge that individual, as their credit scores will undoubtedly reflect? I do not know the specific circumstances of the individual's situation, but I do know that most people do not "let go" of homes or vehicles with no compunction; it is something that is difficult and worthy of empathy.
While large corporations declare bankruptcy, individuals suffer from not only job loss but also from "self loss." Because so much of our identity is stooped in what we do and where we do it, it can be a distressing experience to have what we do and where we do it taken away. Yet, my friends, there is hope...
I read recently about a study that said the following:
"Life crises can have long-term positive effects on life. Over 87 percent of people studied said crises like the death of a loved one, illness, breakup, divorce, etc., gave them a stronger sense of purpose in life."
So...what are you doing with your crises?
(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.
- Harvey Mackay
An interesting discussion ensued this week, as I shared with my interpersonal communication students the basic tenets of empathy...
...its power to let others know we're listening...its ability to remind us of our own brokenness and need for connection. No matter what kind of relationship we're dealing with, it is improved when the other person feels important - understood and appreciated. "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care," its been said. It couldn't be put any more succinctly!
As we all battle the New Economy, "good people" are facing difficult situations and the arbitrary measures we use to size people up - credit scores, for instance - matter so little. Recently, I was sitting one of my former students' office, a Vice President at a bank, when one of his associates dropped the fancy keys of a BMW X5 - the individual who had the vehicle simply could not keep up with the payments...
Are we to judge that individual, as their credit scores will undoubtedly reflect? I do not know the specific circumstances of the individual's situation, but I do know that most people do not "let go" of homes or vehicles with no compunction; it is something that is difficult and worthy of empathy.
While large corporations declare bankruptcy, individuals suffer from not only job loss but also from "self loss." Because so much of our identity is stooped in what we do and where we do it, it can be a distressing experience to have what we do and where we do it taken away. Yet, my friends, there is hope...
I read recently about a study that said the following:
"Life crises can have long-term positive effects on life. Over 87 percent of people studied said crises like the death of a loved one, illness, breakup, divorce, etc., gave them a stronger sense of purpose in life."
So...what are you doing with your crises?
(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Who Determines the Pace?
"...except for the elite, marathoners do not really compete against each other"
- Harvey Mackay, "Pushing the Envelope...All the Way to the Top"
I was speaking recently at a graduation and expressed an important thought to the graduates and their families: YOU WILL HAVE TO DETERMINE YOUR FUTURE; IF NOT, SOMEONE ELSE WILL SURELY DO IT FOR YOU!
With the interesting state of the economy, many of us are in reactive and panic mode. Let me be sure to note that I do not take lightly the fact that jobs are being lost, homes and vehicles are being taken away, or that retirement and college savings are all but part of a disappearing act or "trick" (where, of course, the audience is not applauding in sheer and joyful amazement). Yet, there's something to be said about focusing on the most important things: WE determine who we ARE during this process.
The late Erich Fromm, psychoanalyst extraordinaire, wrote a book entitled "To Have or to Be". What a potent story just in the title! It's not about what we have or are losing, friends; it's about WHO we are becoming as a result of the losses we are incurring.
"Whatever, Kozhi; you're not feeling the pangs of labor as I am!" you say. Really? I know about loss, my friends; not only do I know about loss, I am intimately acquainted with it - it's on my speed dail! $34,000 project vanished! An entire month's worth of speaking and training cancelled. I don't know what you're going through, but I am acquainted with what you're feeling. While I may not be an expert in your situation, I AM in mine and I know that this all stinks. But so does manure...yet it's amazing what it does for the plant life it is spread over...
What am I trying to say? Don't base your judgments in this situation on how you're faring compared to those around you - they have their own issues to deal with. Like a marathoner, focus on COMPLETING your 26 miles and 385 yards.
YOU determine the pace; take ownership and pride in that. Our bank accounts and investments may have zeroed, but it's not what we have but who we ARE. Let us, collectively, focus on who we're going to be because of, and in spite of, this tough and challenging time. I believe in your ability to triumph. Yet, as Mackay says, "you'll never turn TRY into TRIUMPH...without adding the UMPH!"
- Harvey Mackay, "Pushing the Envelope...All the Way to the Top"
I was speaking recently at a graduation and expressed an important thought to the graduates and their families: YOU WILL HAVE TO DETERMINE YOUR FUTURE; IF NOT, SOMEONE ELSE WILL SURELY DO IT FOR YOU!
With the interesting state of the economy, many of us are in reactive and panic mode. Let me be sure to note that I do not take lightly the fact that jobs are being lost, homes and vehicles are being taken away, or that retirement and college savings are all but part of a disappearing act or "trick" (where, of course, the audience is not applauding in sheer and joyful amazement). Yet, there's something to be said about focusing on the most important things: WE determine who we ARE during this process.
The late Erich Fromm, psychoanalyst extraordinaire, wrote a book entitled "To Have or to Be". What a potent story just in the title! It's not about what we have or are losing, friends; it's about WHO we are becoming as a result of the losses we are incurring.
"Whatever, Kozhi; you're not feeling the pangs of labor as I am!" you say. Really? I know about loss, my friends; not only do I know about loss, I am intimately acquainted with it - it's on my speed dail! $34,000 project vanished! An entire month's worth of speaking and training cancelled. I don't know what you're going through, but I am acquainted with what you're feeling. While I may not be an expert in your situation, I AM in mine and I know that this all stinks. But so does manure...yet it's amazing what it does for the plant life it is spread over...
What am I trying to say? Don't base your judgments in this situation on how you're faring compared to those around you - they have their own issues to deal with. Like a marathoner, focus on COMPLETING your 26 miles and 385 yards.
YOU determine the pace; take ownership and pride in that. Our bank accounts and investments may have zeroed, but it's not what we have but who we ARE. Let us, collectively, focus on who we're going to be because of, and in spite of, this tough and challenging time. I believe in your ability to triumph. Yet, as Mackay says, "you'll never turn TRY into TRIUMPH...without adding the UMPH!"
(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Stress
"Stress is the fertilizer of creativity"
- Jon Vogt ("24")
With the global economy as it is, "stress" has become the staple of many minds. If you aren't feeling the pangs as a woman in labor, you are among the fortunate few. Over the weeks, I have been quietly researching and recording the vocal thoughts of both the well-to-do and the middle class. It is amazing how there is stress in each of these classes. The middle class hope to save their homes and vehicles primarily, while the well-to-do hope to stop the hemorraging in their investment accounts. With that precursor, it is quite clear that we are all feeling the stress that comes with an economic downturn...
Bear with me, then, as I play my psychoanalytical role for a few moments. Stress, as a matter of course, is not a bad thing. In fact, stress can be in two forms: eustress and distress. Eustress is the stress that is necessary for everyday functioning. For instance, it takes this kind of stress to keep your body and muscles in correct balance for you to stand, sit, drive, etc. Distress, on the other hand, is "negative" stress that overloads your mind, body, soul, and spirit. While eustress helps the body to function, distress overloads the body and stunts growth as well as causes damage that may be irreparable...
...the fortunate thing for you and I, then, is that we can make a choice about how we let the stresses of life affect and, in turn, move us. I am hardpressed to think of any organization today that is using the same strategy it used during the economic boom years. All of us, individuals and organizations alike, must now "improvise, overcome, and adapt" (Born Beating the Odds) within this immensely challenging environment. Failure to do so means only one thing: extinction. All of us are innundated with doom and gloom as it pertains to organizations (which, for all intents and purposes, are living, breathing and tax-paying "individuals") but there's another group we hear nothing about: us!
Many of us are going through emotional, psychological, spiritual, and, yes, physical extinction. We feel as though we have failed - terribly! Our homes are in jeopardy, our children's 529s are now 5.9s and let's not even talk about those 4.1Ks that were once 401Ks. We need to remember, however, that we are more than our homes and other assets. Yes, we have a physical self, a social self, and a spiritual self. We just need to be careful not to equate our loses in our physical self (the sum total of our assets and benefits) to the totality of WHO we are. We are human BEINGS - ever changing...and, hopefully, ever growing. The essence of change, my friends, is growth. We must grow from this stress - not become smaller or weaker.
When we work out in the gym, we are putting stress on our muscles - not for them to become weaker, but for them to become stronger. Muscles grow when they become longer. They become longer the more you stretch (I know...a true pun for "stress"). So, consider this season a time of stretching. For, it is the "warm up" that you need to ensure that your "muscles" grow and you become even more of the unique and special individual that you are!
Talk to me...
(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.
- Jon Vogt ("24")
With the global economy as it is, "stress" has become the staple of many minds. If you aren't feeling the pangs as a woman in labor, you are among the fortunate few. Over the weeks, I have been quietly researching and recording the vocal thoughts of both the well-to-do and the middle class. It is amazing how there is stress in each of these classes. The middle class hope to save their homes and vehicles primarily, while the well-to-do hope to stop the hemorraging in their investment accounts. With that precursor, it is quite clear that we are all feeling the stress that comes with an economic downturn...
Bear with me, then, as I play my psychoanalytical role for a few moments. Stress, as a matter of course, is not a bad thing. In fact, stress can be in two forms: eustress and distress. Eustress is the stress that is necessary for everyday functioning. For instance, it takes this kind of stress to keep your body and muscles in correct balance for you to stand, sit, drive, etc. Distress, on the other hand, is "negative" stress that overloads your mind, body, soul, and spirit. While eustress helps the body to function, distress overloads the body and stunts growth as well as causes damage that may be irreparable...
...the fortunate thing for you and I, then, is that we can make a choice about how we let the stresses of life affect and, in turn, move us. I am hardpressed to think of any organization today that is using the same strategy it used during the economic boom years. All of us, individuals and organizations alike, must now "improvise, overcome, and adapt" (Born Beating the Odds) within this immensely challenging environment. Failure to do so means only one thing: extinction. All of us are innundated with doom and gloom as it pertains to organizations (which, for all intents and purposes, are living, breathing and tax-paying "individuals") but there's another group we hear nothing about: us!
Many of us are going through emotional, psychological, spiritual, and, yes, physical extinction. We feel as though we have failed - terribly! Our homes are in jeopardy, our children's 529s are now 5.9s and let's not even talk about those 4.1Ks that were once 401Ks. We need to remember, however, that we are more than our homes and other assets. Yes, we have a physical self, a social self, and a spiritual self. We just need to be careful not to equate our loses in our physical self (the sum total of our assets and benefits) to the totality of WHO we are. We are human BEINGS - ever changing...and, hopefully, ever growing. The essence of change, my friends, is growth. We must grow from this stress - not become smaller or weaker.
When we work out in the gym, we are putting stress on our muscles - not for them to become weaker, but for them to become stronger. Muscles grow when they become longer. They become longer the more you stretch (I know...a true pun for "stress"). So, consider this season a time of stretching. For, it is the "warm up" that you need to ensure that your "muscles" grow and you become even more of the unique and special individual that you are!
Talk to me...
(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.
Monday, February 16, 2009
We "don't" have a Choice?
The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice
- George Eliot
- George Eliot
With the economic titanic having hit its iceberg, many, if not most, of us are wondering if there's any hope...any recourse. We're all wondering what tomorrow will look like but we're terrified by the shadows we see today. Bailout? Foreclosure? Repo? Recession? The Great Depression? Layoff? Unemployement? All these words and phrases have become as common as the word "Google" and it's not settling well with us.
While the seriousness of this situation and time we are in cannot be underscored, it is important to note that we are not helpless in this situation. We cannot be tossed and driven by the waves of each news report; we cannot be utterly destroyed by each ding on our credit report. We must, instead, recognize that we have a choice in all of this. We get to choose which attitude we will carry towards the challenges before us. Sure, it's pretty easy to say this when someone is not facing a repo, foreclosure, or unemployment; but be assured that we are ALL facing the same climate - some of us have just chosen to carry an umbrella in the middle of the rain.
There is no way to predict which way things will go in a good economy or in a bad one; in either one, there is only one predictor of success and peace - MY attitude...MY choices. Like you, I don't know how much more pressure my heart, my mind, my soul, my finances, or my sanity can take; but I do know that, when it's all said and done, it will all come down to the choices I make with regard to HOW I view each and every circumstance before me.
"Choice is the essence of what I believe it is to be human," said Liv Ullmann (1984). Let us each make being a human amazing by embracing the fact that we DO have a choice - even though there is nothing but darkness around us and we cannot see our way out...
Monday, January 26, 2009
A Final Thought on Personality
THE WELL-DEVELOPED, WELL-INTEGRATED PERSONALITY IS THE HIGHEST PRODUCT OF EVOLUTION, THE FULLEST REALIZATION WE KNOW OF IN THE UNIVERSE
- Julian Huxley (1887-1975)
We spend a great deal of our lives learning who we are and becoming more of what and who we really are. It is when we have become comfortable with who and what we are that our very best self is portrayed. It can be seen in the way we treat ourselves, the way we treat others (friends, foes or strangers), and the attitude with which we conduct our daily lives.
More than anything, we learn that we are more powerful than we can ever imagine! We learn that we are co-authors of our destinies; while forces outside of us (family, work, God, etc) may be at work, what is at work within us is of even greater consequence. That is, our personality can become an amazing tool of leverage so that we constantly aspire for greater things.
Yet, and even so, it is in learning who we really are that we can aspire for greatness. Until we are comfortable with who we are, we will never bring our best to the thrill of being alive (with all of life's twists and turns). The challenge, then, is to develop a solid understanding of who we are so that we can be comfortable with what we do have and what we do not. Who knows? We may just discover an innate ability that might benefit the world in a marvelous fashion...
(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.
- Julian Huxley (1887-1975)
We spend a great deal of our lives learning who we are and becoming more of what and who we really are. It is when we have become comfortable with who and what we are that our very best self is portrayed. It can be seen in the way we treat ourselves, the way we treat others (friends, foes or strangers), and the attitude with which we conduct our daily lives.
More than anything, we learn that we are more powerful than we can ever imagine! We learn that we are co-authors of our destinies; while forces outside of us (family, work, God, etc) may be at work, what is at work within us is of even greater consequence. That is, our personality can become an amazing tool of leverage so that we constantly aspire for greater things.
Yet, and even so, it is in learning who we really are that we can aspire for greatness. Until we are comfortable with who we are, we will never bring our best to the thrill of being alive (with all of life's twists and turns). The challenge, then, is to develop a solid understanding of who we are so that we can be comfortable with what we do have and what we do not. Who knows? We may just discover an innate ability that might benefit the world in a marvelous fashion...
(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.
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