"Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished:
If you're alive, it isn't."
- Richard Bach
Feelings of despair often wrap themselves around us like a warm blanket in the winter. At that point, every decision and motive is filtered through these feelings. We wonder about our worth, our abilities, or if what we have to offer...the world even desires. Self-doubt becomes our constant companion while we, like Columbus, try to find our way in the vastness of - not the ocean as Columbus - a sea of faces strewn over the earth. And when we make port, thinking we have hit our India, we base our judgments on false information and assumptions that only perpetuate mythical realities...
We've all been there; have we not? Nothing seems to go right. The kids fall ill, one by one; a key account cancels the order that was to make the year for you - and simultaneously significantly alter your net worth; "all of a sudden," you and your significant other take "Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus" literally and begin speaking in different tongues - one speaking squirrel, the other speaking whale; every light is red [especially when you're late]; the State Trooper misses the bright red corvette that was driving at 90 mph, but tags you, in your gray Ford Taurus driving at 75 mph in a 70 mph zone. The list goes on...
...isn't it tempting to throw our hands in the air? To wish the end would come? It's adding insult to injury when the storm comes through and blows the house down, but leaves the west wall - only to have a small gust snap a pine that crashes the last remnants of what used to be your home...isn't it? "C'est vrai! La vie es tres dificile!" my late high school French teacher taught us. Life can be difficult. It's not, as Celia Cruz sings: "La vida es un carnaval." It's not often a joy and a party. Yet, in all honesty, it is you and I that decide whether or not we find joy in it. It all comes down to a choice.
The tide turns when we realize that, had our mission and role been accomplished on Earth, we'd be elsewhere. So long as we have zoe, the breath of life, in us, there's yet more for us to do. It may be to hug our children more, serve the community more, develop technologies that will shape future generations, or improve the human condition through our service as teachers, nurses, or...speakers?
Whatever our role is, then, it is not complete. Each of us 6.5 billions souls on Earth have a role to play. Do you know your role?
(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
"Mailo"
"Mailo" - Yesterday...or Tommorow
Nyanja, like many of the other 60 plus languages of Zambia, is an interesting language. For most who speak only one language, the intricacies of meaning can be lost because they have only one referent. For those of us who are bi or multi lingual, language is something to behold. As I thought about what to write this week, I was brought back to our propensity for living in the past...
I know...we've talked about this before, but after working with someone this week who is fiercely fighting a daunting and haunting past, I thought it prudent to address it again. In Nyanja, the same word is used to refer to yesterday and tomorrow. In order for one to know which it refers to, one would need to pay particular attention to the discussion. I find that this attentiveness is the same we need for us to overcome daunting and haunting pasts...
If you're like many of us, the economy has affected you in some small or significant way. If you're like most of us, you've become proficient at kicking yourself for the decisions you made or the actions you took. Regardless of the economy's effect on you, you have to be careful how you use "mailo" - are you going to focus on "mailo yesterday" or "mailo tomorrow"? The choice you make will determine whether you become better...or bitter. What say you?
(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.
Nyanja, like many of the other 60 plus languages of Zambia, is an interesting language. For most who speak only one language, the intricacies of meaning can be lost because they have only one referent. For those of us who are bi or multi lingual, language is something to behold. As I thought about what to write this week, I was brought back to our propensity for living in the past...
I know...we've talked about this before, but after working with someone this week who is fiercely fighting a daunting and haunting past, I thought it prudent to address it again. In Nyanja, the same word is used to refer to yesterday and tomorrow. In order for one to know which it refers to, one would need to pay particular attention to the discussion. I find that this attentiveness is the same we need for us to overcome daunting and haunting pasts...
If you're like many of us, the economy has affected you in some small or significant way. If you're like most of us, you've become proficient at kicking yourself for the decisions you made or the actions you took. Regardless of the economy's effect on you, you have to be careful how you use "mailo" - are you going to focus on "mailo yesterday" or "mailo tomorrow"? The choice you make will determine whether you become better...or bitter. What say you?
(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Bitter Waters
...if you take anger into a second day, anger changes: it morphs into bitterness
- Kerry & Chris Shook in "One Month to Live"
I just returned from one of my two monthly blood donations. The team at The Woodlands Neighborhood Donor Center and I have become quite close; constantly teasing and filling the suite with laughter. I have the unique opportunity, twice a month, to give both platelets and plasma; essentials for trauma victims as well as cancer patients (since donating my hair is out of the question). I have been donating blood for some time now, yet I am still intrigued by the process of the machine taking my blood and breaking it down into the needed platelets and plasma. While not a true morphing, there is a wonderful transformation of my whole blood into constituent parts...
Anger is quite similar to blood, when you pass it through the "Time and Meditation Machine" - it becomes something else. Sadly, none of its constituents are useful for the giver or the recipients. Whether you are facing the harsh aftermath of the recent turn of economic events or you're dealing with a personal dilemma of catastrophic proportions, there's a possibility that you can, could, or have become bitter.
We have a tendency to want to explain things. And, in the right setting, this can be a wonderful trait. Without it, polio would not have been eradicated nor would many of the technological advancements that have changed our health and way of life been possible . Yet, this incessant need to explain things can also lead us to become bitter. According to The New Ecyclopedic Dictionary of the English Language, the word "bitter" comes from the AngloSaxon word "bitan" - to bite. The problem with biting down without any other thought is that we cannot be nourished - essential, we do not grow.
Imagine being at your favorite steakhouse and ordering their best cut; cooked to your specifications, you cut a piece and do nothing but bite into it. No chewing, no swallowing; nothing. Would you gain anything?
See? That's what happens when we become bitter. We bite down and never enjoy the flavor of life. We do not gain the nutrients from the environment that we need to grow or improve ours and the human condition. There are going to be many ups and downs; and being angry is fine - after all, it is a human emotion. However, we need to be careful not allow our anger (righteous or not) to become something that is of no use to us or others.
What are you doing with your anger?
(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.
- Kerry & Chris Shook in "One Month to Live"
I just returned from one of my two monthly blood donations. The team at The Woodlands Neighborhood Donor Center and I have become quite close; constantly teasing and filling the suite with laughter. I have the unique opportunity, twice a month, to give both platelets and plasma; essentials for trauma victims as well as cancer patients (since donating my hair is out of the question). I have been donating blood for some time now, yet I am still intrigued by the process of the machine taking my blood and breaking it down into the needed platelets and plasma. While not a true morphing, there is a wonderful transformation of my whole blood into constituent parts...
Anger is quite similar to blood, when you pass it through the "Time and Meditation Machine" - it becomes something else. Sadly, none of its constituents are useful for the giver or the recipients. Whether you are facing the harsh aftermath of the recent turn of economic events or you're dealing with a personal dilemma of catastrophic proportions, there's a possibility that you can, could, or have become bitter.
We have a tendency to want to explain things. And, in the right setting, this can be a wonderful trait. Without it, polio would not have been eradicated nor would many of the technological advancements that have changed our health and way of life been possible . Yet, this incessant need to explain things can also lead us to become bitter. According to The New Ecyclopedic Dictionary of the English Language, the word "bitter" comes from the AngloSaxon word "bitan" - to bite. The problem with biting down without any other thought is that we cannot be nourished - essential, we do not grow.
Imagine being at your favorite steakhouse and ordering their best cut; cooked to your specifications, you cut a piece and do nothing but bite into it. No chewing, no swallowing; nothing. Would you gain anything?
See? That's what happens when we become bitter. We bite down and never enjoy the flavor of life. We do not gain the nutrients from the environment that we need to grow or improve ours and the human condition. There are going to be many ups and downs; and being angry is fine - after all, it is a human emotion. However, we need to be careful not allow our anger (righteous or not) to become something that is of no use to us or others.
What are you doing with your anger?
(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.
Friday, May 22, 2009
"Handle with Care"
"How we handle our tough times stays with us for a long time..."
- Max Lucado in "Facing Your Giants"
I have often wondered what makes an individual great. If you're like me, visions flash before you of individuals you have come to deeply honor and respect. There is an "epitomic" view we each have of what a great individual looks like. We each have what is called an Implicit Personality Theory (IPT) about people; that is, our own sets of hypotheses about what people are like. Armed with our IPTs, we envision what these Champions of Life look like and set our lives against that mold and standard.
The common thread, for the Champions of my world, is tied very closely to how they each handle(d) tough times. That is, what they did when:
- Max Lucado in "Facing Your Giants"
I have often wondered what makes an individual great. If you're like me, visions flash before you of individuals you have come to deeply honor and respect. There is an "epitomic" view we each have of what a great individual looks like. We each have what is called an Implicit Personality Theory (IPT) about people; that is, our own sets of hypotheses about what people are like. Armed with our IPTs, we envision what these Champions of Life look like and set our lives against that mold and standard.
The common thread, for the Champions of my world, is tied very closely to how they each handle(d) tough times. That is, what they did when:
- They stumbled...over and over again
- They lost things and people important to them
- They encouraged themselves when discouraged by failure
- They were disappointed and betrayed by others
- The machinery of life simply would not cooperate in their favor
How these individuals handled these and other situations ranks high in my IPT of great individuals. See, I believe that to traverse the world leaping from one mountaintop to another builds less backbone than having to ascend and descend multiple mountains while spending large amounts of time in the valley. To me, the Champions of Life are those individuals who have learned how to handle tough times with clarity and sensitivity to the effects that the decision(s) at hand have for the future...
Our IPT builds on previous and current experience; equally, our ability to handle tough times improves with each tough time. If we can handle tough times with maturity (please note that I did not say we will handle them without fading, failing or falling), we set ourselves up for even better performance the next time another tough time comes. So, today I have two questions for you:
What's your IPT about Champions of Life?
How are you handling tough times?
(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
I want...OUT!
...the only way out, is through!!
I woke up this morning thinking about the challenges I have faced in the last ten years. As I prepared my decaf Chai Tea, I considered my response to every storm that has come in the last 120 months: death, loss, pain, betrayal, financial tornadoes...
I decided to take inventory because I was concerned about my progress; I wondered if I had grown at all. I wondered whether I was responding to every storm in the same way. I asked myself if I was avoiding the storms again...
Unlike the physical storms that Mother Nature orchestrates, the "storms of growth" cannot be avoided. For those who feel they have successfully avoided them, they become repetitive patterns in their lives until the lessons are learned...
The "storms of growth," I have found, must not only be faced head on, they must be traversed through. Last year, the Gulf Coast experienced Hurricane Ike and the constant word by our local metereologists was to "hunker down" once the storm hit. Again, being a storm whose maestro was Mother Nature, this makes perfect sense.
However, for "storms of growth," the only way out of them is through. I was speechless as I thought about how the only way I would grow ("survive") after the storm was to go through it - not try to drive around it, fly over it, or burrow underneath it...
Did this comfort me? Not really. I just realized that I cannot avoid the highway leading to my growth and improvement. As one friend said, "the highway to heaven is in the desert." I don't know what your "heaven" is, but I can assure you, my friend, that the only way for you to get there is through - not under, through, or over...
What storm(s) are you avoiding?
(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.
I woke up this morning thinking about the challenges I have faced in the last ten years. As I prepared my decaf Chai Tea, I considered my response to every storm that has come in the last 120 months: death, loss, pain, betrayal, financial tornadoes...
I decided to take inventory because I was concerned about my progress; I wondered if I had grown at all. I wondered whether I was responding to every storm in the same way. I asked myself if I was avoiding the storms again...
Unlike the physical storms that Mother Nature orchestrates, the "storms of growth" cannot be avoided. For those who feel they have successfully avoided them, they become repetitive patterns in their lives until the lessons are learned...
The "storms of growth," I have found, must not only be faced head on, they must be traversed through. Last year, the Gulf Coast experienced Hurricane Ike and the constant word by our local metereologists was to "hunker down" once the storm hit. Again, being a storm whose maestro was Mother Nature, this makes perfect sense.
However, for "storms of growth," the only way out of them is through. I was speechless as I thought about how the only way I would grow ("survive") after the storm was to go through it - not try to drive around it, fly over it, or burrow underneath it...
Did this comfort me? Not really. I just realized that I cannot avoid the highway leading to my growth and improvement. As one friend said, "the highway to heaven is in the desert." I don't know what your "heaven" is, but I can assure you, my friend, that the only way for you to get there is through - not under, through, or over...
What storm(s) are you avoiding?
(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Tough Psychology
"Feeling inadequate has a universal zip code"
- Victory Ford on Season II of NBC's 'Lipstick Jungle'
I'd like to meet anyone who does not have "crises of quality" - OK, fine; this is a phrase I use to mask the feelings of "inadequacy" or "impotence" we all get to feel at some point(s) in our lives. This is a time when we doubt the quality of God's workmanship in us and feel completely useless and lacking in viability. For many of us, this is a tough season marked by picking through the rubble of the financial tornado that has hit many of our businesses and homes...
I have to say, however, that the great challenge of our age is not at the bank or on the job, but in the mind. Fighting feelings of inadequacy is a full time job. Things may even be going wonderfully for us, yet we still feel inadequate. I had to counsel a friend recently who had just began a relationship and was basically sabortaging the relationship because of a "crisis of quality" - also known as "insecurity". There was little wrong with the relationship; she was just feeling threatened and inadequate by, don't laugh, ghosts! Yes, ghosts! The things she'd experienced in the past extended their long arms and were sucking life out of her present!
Our mental health is vital to any success we might enjoy - with family, with work, or with others. Nothing threatens our mental health more than feeling inadequate and letting those feelings linger and fester. Chasing ghosts leads only to frustration. Looking at life as a gift daily, changes our approach to things. Then, when we feel inadequate, we realize that it's part of our experience as living human beings; and, armed with that knowledge, we press on knowing that we can and will overcome...
- Victory Ford on Season II of NBC's 'Lipstick Jungle'
I'd like to meet anyone who does not have "crises of quality" - OK, fine; this is a phrase I use to mask the feelings of "inadequacy" or "impotence" we all get to feel at some point(s) in our lives. This is a time when we doubt the quality of God's workmanship in us and feel completely useless and lacking in viability. For many of us, this is a tough season marked by picking through the rubble of the financial tornado that has hit many of our businesses and homes...
I have to say, however, that the great challenge of our age is not at the bank or on the job, but in the mind. Fighting feelings of inadequacy is a full time job. Things may even be going wonderfully for us, yet we still feel inadequate. I had to counsel a friend recently who had just began a relationship and was basically sabortaging the relationship because of a "crisis of quality" - also known as "insecurity". There was little wrong with the relationship; she was just feeling threatened and inadequate by, don't laugh, ghosts! Yes, ghosts! The things she'd experienced in the past extended their long arms and were sucking life out of her present!
Our mental health is vital to any success we might enjoy - with family, with work, or with others. Nothing threatens our mental health more than feeling inadequate and letting those feelings linger and fester. Chasing ghosts leads only to frustration. Looking at life as a gift daily, changes our approach to things. Then, when we feel inadequate, we realize that it's part of our experience as living human beings; and, armed with that knowledge, we press on knowing that we can and will overcome...
What are you feeling today?
(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.Monday, May 11, 2009
Persevering through Adversity...
"In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins - not through strength, but by perseverence."
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr., Author of "Life's Little Instruction Book"
I have always wondered about people who stop just short of the goal...those who give up when a little more would have turned the battle. I am not one to judge; simply pointing out a simple observation. We tend to give up too quickly!
I recently discovered something about myself: I have no desire to run a marathon...not for ego reasons or for accomplishment's sake. I can give a plethora of excuses, but it all boils down to this simple fact: I-have-no-desire. There are, however, other things I wish to accomplish in life - things I greatly desire to see through. For those, I will put my head down, like a Tour de France cyclist, and fight a strong headwind towards the finish line.
When it comes to fighting through adversity, we must put our heads down and keep "cycling" - for some, it's training, writing, learning how to be cordial, or simply giving it the best you've got; for others, it's swinging even when there's no fight left in you...running when you can't feel your legs.
When our desire meets a determination to overcome and do whatever it takes to reach the finish line, we have already attained success. You see, crossing the finish line is the prize; however, we cannot get to the prize at all if we do not have a potent mix of desire and determination. Some say we need to "live life on purpose"...I say that we must be deliberate about life. Nothing "happens" on it's own (see Newton's Laws of Motion) - an object, according to Newton, will remain at rest unless acted upon by an outside force...
So, dear friend, what are you not acting upon? Is it your education? Perhaps your finances? Maybe your marriage? Could it be your career? Are you waiting for things to happen? Or are you being deliberate? Fighting for your end result and causing motion?
Will you act upon the feeling you now have to act?
(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr., Author of "Life's Little Instruction Book"
I have always wondered about people who stop just short of the goal...those who give up when a little more would have turned the battle. I am not one to judge; simply pointing out a simple observation. We tend to give up too quickly!
I recently discovered something about myself: I have no desire to run a marathon...not for ego reasons or for accomplishment's sake. I can give a plethora of excuses, but it all boils down to this simple fact: I-have-no-desire. There are, however, other things I wish to accomplish in life - things I greatly desire to see through. For those, I will put my head down, like a Tour de France cyclist, and fight a strong headwind towards the finish line.
When it comes to fighting through adversity, we must put our heads down and keep "cycling" - for some, it's training, writing, learning how to be cordial, or simply giving it the best you've got; for others, it's swinging even when there's no fight left in you...running when you can't feel your legs.
When our desire meets a determination to overcome and do whatever it takes to reach the finish line, we have already attained success. You see, crossing the finish line is the prize; however, we cannot get to the prize at all if we do not have a potent mix of desire and determination. Some say we need to "live life on purpose"...I say that we must be deliberate about life. Nothing "happens" on it's own (see Newton's Laws of Motion) - an object, according to Newton, will remain at rest unless acted upon by an outside force...
So, dear friend, what are you not acting upon? Is it your education? Perhaps your finances? Maybe your marriage? Could it be your career? Are you waiting for things to happen? Or are you being deliberate? Fighting for your end result and causing motion?
Will you act upon the feeling you now have to act?
(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.
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