“Awakening the Leviathan”

“You are living in the wonderful time of awakening; this is the time when more people will come into conscious realization of their own value” - My Awesome Voicemail

Joan called, excited about something she’d read, because I was the fortunate person to first cross her mind. I couldn’t help but think about how many folks are living disengaged, drowsy life, and, for some, they are sleep walking. This disengaged and drowsy lifestyle has made them numb; numb to all that is great and valuable, not only in themselves, but also in life and others.

How can one justify such an existence? Ever wonder what story they tell themselves each day? How they put stylus to scroll and document their life – with a straight face? What kind of blatant disregard for self would such an act take? When they look at themselves in the mirror, do they know who that stranger is? Or have they become so accustomed to seeing someone else in the mirror and being alright with it?

Want to know who “they” are?
They are…you…me. Every single time we devalue ourselves with toxic relationships, dysfunctional behavior, or our moral campus fails to point True North. With each of these relationships and behaviors, we are signing a lullaby to the Leviathan within. That Giant inside each of us that stands with a shield of courage and a sword of action; defending who we really are to the death, if need be.

So, how are YOU justifying such a life? What story are YOU telling yourself? Are you putting stylus to scroll with a straight face? Have you such a blatant disregard for yourself? So much that you know you see someone else in the mirror but claim her to be you?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Discernment and Recognition

Anyone can tell what time it is

It takes more to tell what season it is

- Frankie Mazzapica

As we continue to wade in the waters of the financial hurricane of 2008, it's quite easy for us to feel (perhaps rightly so) that the waters won't subside. It's easy for us to feel that we've lost everything - including all hope. We're concerned about how we'll provide for our posterity and wonder if there's any end in sight.

Though the three decades of my life may not be much, I have found that little, if anything, is random. I have found that there is purpose in everything; even, and especially, when we cannot see it. The Significant Life® begins with the recognition that, without purpose, life becomes meaningless; it becomes a mass of random occurrences that are unrelated and, therefore, have no value. Such a world, I cannot believe in...

Wise King Solomon noted that to every thing there is a season; the challenge for you and I lies in being able to recognize which season it is. For instance, it would be foolish to venture outside dressed in shorts and a t-shirt at the height of a mid-western winter or dressed in long Johns and heavy coats in August in Texas. All metaphors aside, without this discernment, we lose out on opportunities. A good friend of mine always says that "the opportunity of a lifetime is only available for the lifetime of the opportunity;" that means that if we do not grab a hold of it, the opportunity passes. How can we grab a hold of the opportunity if we do not understand the urgency that comes with certain seasons?

I do not know what season of life you are in; sowing...reaping...nurturing...studying...maturing...I don't know. The consequences of my lack of knowledge pales in comparison to your lack of knowledge about the season you are in. "What you don't know won't hurt you" it's been said. I say: What you don't know can kill you!

It's time to take ownership of your growth and development. Growth and development that requires not only the knowledge but an understanding of the season you're in. During a famine is the wrong time to enjoy excess; the season isn't right. Yet, like ants, the summer is the best time to store up for the winter. Without this discernment and wisdom, our efforts are useless as they contain no purpose and direction - we become wasteful of not only our goods, but also, and sadly, our potential...

Do you know what season it is?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Pawns and Tools

"If people are not on your path, then they're in your way"

- Summer Sanford

We graduated college together. So, when we met again about six years later, it was a loud and boistrous reunion. We were good friends in college but had simply lost contact after graduation. Interestingly, though, once we met again, it was as if we had never missed those years. Now, we connect on a regular basis, do business together, and even plan on playing golf together.

During one of our lunches, the words above were so potent that I had to stop lunch and our discussion to appreciate their weight. Subsequently, I typed them into my PDA and would not allow another word as I did so. Summer had basically diagnosed the cancer that is at the center of the human condition...one that blights our "crops" each year.

With each project, I am more and more convinced that people aren't really what their companies claim them to be - "our best asset." Perhaps it's because you cannot "truly" put people on the balance sheet. Whatever the reason might be, it does sound good, though; almost makes the management team sound like they actually care. I question their veracity!

Too many people - good people - have been used as tools and pawns on the corporate chess board. Sucked dry, only to be booted to the curb, these individuals who were "our best asset" are now nothing more than a faded memory. As we traverse the tumultuous post-economic collapse landscape, both management and "people" will have to recognize that every, single pawn is a potential queen...

...a queen that can move in multiple directions with unlimited distance. That means that "people" have to take ownership and personal interest in their growth and development (and stop playing the victim or simply being indifferent); and management has to step up and put their money where their mouth is. If people are their best asset, then they will have to develop them and get them involved. Without this partnership, people remain "in the way" or just another tool or pawn for another's agenda...

Are you a pawn?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Giving: It Really Starts a Chain Reaction

"We need to give people what we rarely get"

- Frankie Mazzapica

I am overwhelmed by the desperation I see in the eyes of my audiences with each trip. While their demeanors hold and posture the socially-acceptable "everything is alright," their eyes say otherwise.
They are starved for acceptance, recognition, and...here it comes...love...

On a recent trip, a friend smiled brightly because of "the way you make friends everywhere you go." I thought nothing of it possibly because I have worked at making it a habit to not only greet all who attend to me in stores, restaurants and other places of business, but to ask them their names and thank them personally. "Thank you, Deb," I might say. Or, "you really are the best, Tim." It is S.O.P in my world and now seems to flow out naturally and with ease...

To many, this might be posturing; being overzealous and manipulating people. To me, however, it is the way of life. I once heard it said that "a wise man knows everything, but a shrewd man, everyone." I count myself neither wise nor shrewd, but I find that all people need is a little encouragement and they will surprise you. There is enough negativity in the world and I always hope and believe that the little T.L.C I give others might be the one thing that turns the tide of the battle against indifference

When we allow ourselves to be conduits for compassion, joy, and laughter, we literally change the world. Think of the world as a tossed salad; every part of it creates a whole that can not only be delicious, but also wonderful for your body. Add a particular ingredient (almonds, a little fruit, etc), and it becomes a party in your mouth! That is the same thing that happens when we add depth to the lives of others with our laughter, smiles, and sincere interest in them. We, you and I, have the power to alter a waiter's shift and to change the course of generations. But, to do so, we must speak up...

Have you spoken up lately?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Curiosity “Killed” the Cat?

If we lead with questions rather than answers, curiosity can strip us of an agenda and stop us from holding so tightly to our own ideas and beliefs that aren’t able to consider others’
- Marcum & Smith in “Egonomics”

Like Bristol, I was “born with a huge bump of curiosity.” I have always tinkered. As a child, I tinkered with electronics (much to the chagrin of my parents), electricity (all it took was one shock and I never tinkered with it the same way), irrigation systems (oh, mommy just loves to tell this story), and so many other things. Today, I still tinker; the only difference is that I now tinker with ideas…

From the moment a book was first placed in my hands, I became an avid “thought-tinkerer.” I could not believe that there was only one “best way” or that “conventional wisdom” was correct. I remember arguing with my 3rd or 4th grade teacher that blood was not red – that is, not until it was out of the body. Of course, this is not true; but seeing the color of veins, I was certain blood itself was not red. I may have been wrong, but the curious fires in my soul were simply stoked by each discovery and revelation.

I was often told that “curiosity killed the cat” – I suppose that is what adults do to stop the questions from eager and questioning children: we say anything to stop them from asking another question, especially “why?” Fast-forward some 20 years and I find myself no different; I still want to know “why” and the fires of my curiosity refuse to become embers and ashes...

We cannot allow our curiosity to die; it is essential to our personal and professional growth. Without it, there can be no creativity…no progress. “Highly curious people are different than you might imagine,” say Marcum & Smith, “they have a unique ability to bring both openness and order to conversations, not excluding either in the way they think.” What a life we can create when we allow our curiosity to become the key that unlocks a whole new world of ideas and possibilities! You see, “curiosity gives us permission and courage to test what we think, feel, and believe to be true, reminding us we don’t know everything about anything” (Marcum & Smith).

Less than 1/2 of 1% of the U.S population has a Ph.D. I feel very privileged to be one of them; yet, all that I have discovered is that I know so little. That knowledge is what keeps me searching for and seeking ways to improve the human condition…

Are YOU curious?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Those Pesky “Little Things”…“Trifles”

Men are led by trifles
- Napoleon

Think naught a trifle, though it small appear
Small sands make the mountain, moments make the year
And trifle, life
- Young

It is interesting to note how little we pay attention to the “little things” – I know…a silly pun and play on words. But, seriously, you’d be amazed how a lack of respect for “little things” costs lives every day. In the United States, it is estimated that around 7,000 people die each year from medication errors – many of which are from that little thing called sloppy handwriting. Is it just me or we’ve just accepted the “fact” the doctors have poor penmanship? Trust me, “little things” matter!

Don’t believe me?
A Stamp Act to raise 60, 000 British Pounds produced an American Revolution and war that cost Her Majesty’s Government  100, 000, 000 Pounds!
Galileo conceived the idea of measuring time when the janitor in the cathedral at Pisa left a lamp swinging. It’s steady swing was the impetus for an idea that changed the face of humanity…
Thomas Edison conceived of the phonograph when he pricked his finger while singing to the mouthpiece of a telephone. Quite literally, that is all the story to the idea of the phonograph.
Shall I continue?

Your life is a series of moments; trifles, to the untrained and unappreciative eye. The thoughts you hold captive today, become the lifestyle you embody tomorrow. The lack of focus and effort you exhibit today, become the fruit of your life’s tree in the near future.
I know that your economy (thus said since yours and another’s is different) may be falling as fast as lead in a pond, but it’s the small things you do that matter the most right now – beginning with the things you’re meditating on, believing in (basically, where you place your Mentergy). It is in those “small” things that you will find your success and redemption from a shaken foundation...

What are you now going to pay attention to?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Belief: A Dimension of Mentergy

“Belief is the motivating force that enables you to achieve your goal” – Claude M. Bristol in “The Magic of Believing”, circa 1948

One of my favorite Scriptures is: “If you can believe, all things will be made possible to you.” An old Latin proverb says: “Believe that you have it, and you have it.” It’s amazing how what we use our mental capacities for determines what we have, both in the physical and metaphysical world. While some of my readers may equate this thought process of belief to pretty much an attitude, it is not. Attitude and Belief are related (as we will see next week), but they each produce different crops, if you will…

Suffice it so say, for now, that our mentergy is wasted when we either have “no” beliefs or negative beliefs. Successful people, regardless of their field of endeavor, are amazing believers! They see and believe in the buildings they erect, they believe in and see the efficient workforce they employ, and certainly believe in and see the fulfilled lives they hope to live. This belief in themselves can be an invigorating and motivating tool to spurn people into action.

I find that it is only when I have lost my belief – at the core, lost my faith – that I hit the hardest stretches in my journey. When I have lost faith in myself, have no belief in myself or the work I do, I tend to become a drag to be around (and, yes, even KOZHI hates to be around me!). This lack of belief gets me into trouble because I begin taking steps backward and shying away from the God-given mission for my life. Sadly, this is the point when I have lost so much…

What are you losing, my friend? Have you no belief? In yourself? In humanity? In hope? Will you now do something about it? Or will you exercise your right, yet again, to not believe in yourself and the greatness lying dormant within you? Or will you, with a victorious shout, step out of your comfort and fire up your latent energy?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

“Winning Victory”

Victory comes, at times, just when one no longer expects it
- Martin Buber (1878-1965)

I first came across Buber’s work while in college; specifically in my Philosophy of Religion course with Ms. Pak. A brilliant thinker, Buber, in this case, shows us just the kind of attitude it takes to win.

No matter the field of endeavor, it is often those who stick it out the longest that earn the prize. I must be clear here and note that I do not advocate futile efforts and attempts; some pursuits are lost even with “sticking it out.” What I am pushing for, instead, is an attitude of sustained energy – pushing all the way through, even when the end is uncertain.

World Series Champions and NBA Champions are not made by one game; they are forged in the depths of a grueling series. For some, it’s that fourth game that changes things…others, such as the NBA, the seventh and final one. No matter what point brings such turnaround and victory, it is never an isolated event; it takes time and systematic effort to get there.

 

As we traverse this challenging time in our economy, it is vital for us to learn how to manage our energies; after all, this is just part of the series. If we give up now, all is lost. Or, better said by the Apostle Paul: “Let us not be weary in well-doing; for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”

The key, my friend, is not to faint; not to give in, not to give up…to give it our all and our very best – to the end…

Have you given up?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Mentergy

“Such a powerful ability, the imagination!

But without wisdom, imagination is a cruel taskmaster”

- William P. Young in “The Shack”

Growing up, I was always dreaming and scheming. I envisioned where my life was going and I imagined what my success was going to be. Thank the Lord, my vision and imagination were taken to heights that I did not even think possible! My move from my parents’ farm in Lusaka West to the Great State of Texas? Never thought that my imagination would take me this far. I truly could go on and on about how the “future” turned out to be greater than I thought it would be as I imagined back then…

 

The interesting thing about imagination, however, is that it can become like a child running with a pair of scissors – potentially fatal. Our mental energy – something I call “mentergy” – is an amazing tool that must be harnessed and used with wisdom. Use it wisely, and the world will bow at your feet; misuse or abuse it, and you’ll be bound and in the stocks forever. The things that we set our imagination to truly determine the quality and quantity of life. Mel Gibson’s William Wallace said, “Every man dies…but not every man really lives.” Living in a choice! And our imagination has a great role to play in whether we really live; as free and able men, women, and children

When we set our mentergy on negative things – fear, anger, sadness, confusion, doubt, etc – we are not only wasting a precious commodity, we are becoming that which we are pouring our energy into. It is then that our imagination becomes a cruel and unforgiving taskmaster. And, sadly, it is then that we become poor stewards of the amazing gift of imagination the Almighty has bestowed upon each of us. No other creature on earth has been given this great ability to imagine. Let us, therefore, cherish it…

What are you doing with your gift?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Energy – The Real Currency Of Life

My least favorite course in high school was Physics. Mr. Jacob, from India, was a good man with a very distinctive accent. Yet, because this course was required, I sat through many classes learning about Newton’s Laws and other components of the course. As I think about the direction that this post (and others over the next few weeks) will take, I am drawn to…”energy”. According to my physics class, energy is the capacity to do work.

If that is truly the case, it is safe to say that energy is the currency we use to “pay” for life. As I have mentioned before, “time” isn’t what we must manage from day to day; it is energy. How we manage our energy (replenish it, use it, and conserve it) determines how successful and whole our days are. If we expend all our energy at “work”, we come home with nothing left to give to our children and our spouses, for instance. Likewise, if we expend all our energy on our personal lives, our professional lives suffer from neglect.

If we are to make the most and the best out of life, we need to be careful where we expend, for instance, our mental energy. Worrying is simply meditating on the negative. If we use the energy we expend on worrying to think of positively creative ways to handle life and its challenges, we will find ourselves happier and more focused. Use it on fear or worry, and we will find ourselves miserable and drained….

So, where have you been expending your energy lately?

 

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Only if it Matters...

"We survive on too little sleep, wolf down fast foods on the run, fuel up with coffee and cool down with alcohol and sleeping pills. Faced with relentless demands at work, we become short-tempered and easily distracted. We return home from long days at work feeling exhausted and often experience our families not as a source of joy and renewal, but as one more demand in an already overburdened life"
- Loehr & Schwartz in 'The Power of Full Engagement'

I recently spent almost three and a half weeks on bed rest; being extremely active, this was akin to a life sentence - in solitary. While I did not spend this time alone, I certainly struggled with the loss of mobility...
I became intimately acquainted with the color of the room in which I spent most of my days, and now know where the flaws in paint and drywall are. I also developed an acute awareness of the things that mean the most in my life. Before this season in my life, I was the epitome of zeal, zest and life - always filled with kinetic energy from my constant movement (literally and figuratively). I found, in my moments when the drugs weren't hazing my mind, that I had everything that I needed in life...that I had more than I had hoped for or others had thought I'd attain.
You see, until life becomes obnoxious and imposes her will on us, we can go through life as though everything and everyone else did not matter save for us and our vision, plan, and hopes. The obnoxious imposition may come in varying ways and to varying degrees, but the result is the same: we find that we're not in control as much we think.
Loehr & Schwartz could not have said it better: we're on our way to doom if we keep up the pace with which we're living life. I know...I know. Bills need to be paid, children need to be fed and clothed, and having a roof over our heads cannot be underrated; yet, in our pursuit of these things, we may be hurting those whom we claim to be breaking our backs for - including ourselves.
As economists claim that the recession is "bottoming out" (what does that really mean to you and I, right?), many of us have been forced to take a long and sober look at the practice of our lives. We have been forced to strip all aspirations away, all masks have been removed, and now we are naked and bare - our true and real selves revealed. Forced to contend with the darkness of our hearts, we have come to reduce our lives to the simple things...
...the smiles, laughs and hugs from my soon-to-be 13 year old goddaughter...Sunday dinner with friends - fully equipped with a game of dominos in tow...being able to return home each day after pouring myself to others having not be hurt or killed on the road...the list could go on. Bottom line: our family (those with whom we share biological DNA and those with whom we share social or spiritual DNA) is all that matters. When the economy tanks, they are there; when the walls seem like they are caving in, they are there; when we doubt our abilities and competencies, they are there.

I wonder: have you appreciated these people lately?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

It's not...easy!

"It's kinda hard being humble in the belly of struggle..."
- Busta Rhymes



I have had an interesting week, to say the least...
It's amazing how much we all take for granted...our freedom...our ability to breathe "relatively" clean air and drink safe water. In the midst of my own difficulties, I have become acutely aware of the things that some of my friends are currently enduring...

Not only are they dealing with tremendous challenge and pressure, we are all struggling with the reality of disheveled dreams. This reality tends to blur the vision of our lives and we wonder if we are going to make it. But...

"...when all you can see is your pain, you lose sight of the most important things...pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly...and left unresolved for very long, you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place" (Young in 'The Shack')

Yes, it can be hard to be humble in the belly of struggle - Jonah, for instance, wasn't truly humble in the belly of the fish. But that does not excuse us from the effort. We are still required to put forth the effort, make the hard decision, and do everything we can to grow and improve. If we don't, we waste a potent opportunity to become more of the men, women, and children we were made to be. Winged...and able to fly

What's clipping your wings?



(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

A Voice in the Choir

Life takes a bit of time and a lot of relationship
- William P. Young in "The Shack"

"The world is your stage," I began.
"You have a voice. A unique one. One that will surely be missed if you do not speak or sing your lines."

This was my first lecture to my eager Introduction to Speech Communication students this summer. I was trying to get them to understand how their unique voice was necessary for the "Musical of the Earth" to be a runaway hit. I wanted them to note how their unique voice, set in the backdrop of the "choir" of the world, was especially chosen to sweeten the melodies and symphonies of life on earth. If they failed to speak or sing their lines, it would be nothing short of tragic...

And that same challenge, I now pass on to you...
You have a unique voice. You are, as one of my favorite authors put it, "YOU-nique." My experience on earth will be less than complete if you do not speak or sing your lines. How you raise your children, what educational and career path you choose, which outlook you venerate each day...all these, and more, have a direct effect on me and my experience of earth. You may be raising the next Bach, Van Gogh, Einstein, or George Washington; you may be the example in the office that a potential suicide attempt rests on; you may be the one person on the freeway that prevents a deadly pile-up.

Sadly, no one will ever know...
...not unless you first recognize how much of an asset you are to me...to all of us. How much I need you, just as you need me; how you don't have to be the lead for this musical piece, but the piece is incomplete without your voice...

Will you speak and sing your lines today?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Change and Renewal

"Reinvent"
- verb (used with object)

1. to invent again or anew, especially without knowing that the invention already exists
2. to remake or make over, as in a different form
3. to bring back; revive




If "necessity is the mother of all invention", then being "between a rock and a hard place" must be the mother of re-invention. As I watch the reactions and attitudes around me with respect to the economy, I cannot help but note how it's amazing what can happen when we're faced with no recourse but change...

For tax purposes, most businesses in the United States can be considered...people. They have a birthday...and, some, have a death day. They also have a social security number...a tax ID. For these businesses to survive, they must constantly change their orientation, business focus, configuration, etc. In short, their strategic outlook must be well-versed in the times. It makes little sense, for instance, for a metals production company to increase steel inventory when demand is low for steel, but high for copper. The company must change orientation and focus on copper production.

We are not very different from companies; we must constantly change our vision, plan, focus, orientation...configuration. Nothing shows us this requirement more than tragedy and challenge. As we enter a new era (what we hope to one day call the "Post-Financial Collapse of 2008"), it is those who have dedicated themselves to being fresh and strategic in their living who will own the day.

When was the last time you revised your life plan?



(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Courage

"To courageously shoulder the responsibility of one's mistakes is character"
- Fortune Cookie



There's something especially humbling about failure; a quality that insufficiency evokes in us. It is at these failure turns, twists, and forks in the road that we discover our inadequacy, become fully acquainted with our fragility, and a heightened awareness of our mortality reveals itself. The manner in which we view ourselves and the world around us changes in the blink of an eye; we are touched in a way that morphs us into individuals with a deeper sense of purpose and a singular focus - to live life fully and wholly.

"It is the most liberating thing to not have to be perfect," I said to my 'Introduction to Speech Communication' students this morning. When we recognize that mistakes are inevitable - that they are part of the learning process - we become less averse to making them. And, when we do, we boldly and courageously shoulder the outcomes; knowing that we have mastered fear rather than been mastered by it.

I find that seeing my size in relation to the remainder of the world has potent "medicinical" purpose; introspectively and otherwise. When it is not always about me, I am more apt to see the needs and hurts of others. When the focus is removed from what can be done for "number one", I become viral in my ability to reach out to others. And this state of affairs is brought about most effectively by failure...by mistakes. And, honestly, it requires daily effort to shoulder the burdens and responsibilities associated with mistakes.

As we face another fiscal quarter with an ailing economy marked by almost 10% unemployment nationwide, we are forced to shoulder the responsibilities of good and bad judgment; of wise and unwise financial transactions; of choices made and unmade. Whatever our gains or loses, it is prudent for us to learn that our character as individuals and as Citizens of the World can only be sharpened if we consciously choose for it to happen. Sure, some of us will lose our homes, our vehicles, and, to a degree, our way of life. But make no mistake, my friends; if we, but, set our hopes on who we could potentially become, there will be no economy awful enough to quench the fires of creativity and growth we will stoke...

Is that a monkey on your back...or something else?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Por Que?

'There is no such thing as chance; and what seems to us the merest accident springs from the deepest source of destiny."
- Johann Christoph Friedrich von Schiller (1759-1805)



I finally got to watch "The Curious Life of Benjamin Button" after learning that the sciatica nerve in my left leg has more power than the IRS to elicit total obedience and compliance. In the semi-delirious state brought about by a potent cocktail of cyclobenzaprine, hydrocodone, acetaminophen, and naproxen, I was laid up in pin-drop silence as the story of Benjamin Button - who "ages backwards" - was revealed...


...as I thought about this post, I was brought back to Benjamin's recital of the events that took place prior to, his love, Daisy's career-ending demise. "If only"...a pair of words that may have likely changed the story; down to the milisecond, every occurrence before that fateful event seemed to be intricately orchestrated.


"By whom?" you ask. Well, it depends on your belief system. Whomever or whatever you believe to be behind it all, the common denominator is me, you...the individual. I don't believe that we are powerless to destiny, but rather that we are co-authors of our destiny. While life may come at us with winds filled with hurricane fury, whether or not we become victims is a choice that we make.


Sadly, we spend too much time trying to understand why what has happened to us happened; that is, instead of focusing on the lessons to be learned from the experience. We are all defined by particular and peculiar situations; they come at us without fear or favor...respecting none of us. Yet, no matter how it all looks to be by chance, there is often something at work that is larger than we are...

That said, I urge you to take inventory of your life.
Inventory.
Taking stock.
Have you learned from the occurrences of the past month?
Or, better yet, what have you learned from the past month?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Who's Driving?

...it's not easy when the road is your driver
- Celine Dion, "When I Need You" (1997)

Have you ever felt that way? Like you had no control of anything?
No matter what you did, nothing seemed to go your way? If you have not, I applaud you; you are among a very small minority. For many of us, the road tends to be the driver with such frequency, we budget for it each quarter!

Being in the business of dealing with human behavior and development, it's amazing how it still surprises me how shocked many of us are when we go through seasons with no maps, no instructions...no direction. Celine Dion, the best-selling female artist of all time, could not have put it more succinctly, nor could she have been more correct, when she prefaced the season with "it's not easy..."

As with all posts on this blog, I'd like to shed some light on the role we individually play in the midst of seasons of darkness. I cannot speak for everyone, but I can certainly speak for myself when I say that sometimes we need to pull over. Yes, the road may wish to be the driver every now and then; however, we have to choose whether we remain clueless passengers or we grab life by the horns and determine the speed we travel, the vehicle in which we travel, and the baggage we carry. We have to choose whether we trade our victim mentality for a determined and destined one. We choose...

Of all the marvelous gifts God gave me, I am most thankful for free will - the ability to make choices and decisions. This happens to be the least used gift we possess; especially when set against the backdrop of a more litigious society and one that has become less about personal "responsibility" and more about "rights." Before you write the ACLU about this, let me say that I strongly believe in having my rights - to bear arms, to a fair trial, etc - but not at the expense of shunning responsibility.

When a drunk driver is given probation for being quite past the legal alcohol limit and hits a couple on a motorcycle head on (nearly killing one and maiming both) and then hits the vehicle behind them, one has to wonder where "responsibility" comes in. Four lives...changed in less than 60 seconds. Yet, the person responsible never gets to answer for it. I'll let you be the judge...

While I deeply sympathize with anyone going through a time of the road being the driver, I have to say that you do have a choice. If you cannot stop immediately, eventually there will be a gas/bathroom stop. Use it to make your escape and determine your path. Refuse to be the victim or a clueless passenger. It's your only life to live. Live completely!

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

It's not...over!

"Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished:
If you're alive, it isn't."
- Richard Bach

Feelings of despair often wrap themselves around us like a warm blanket in the winter. At that point, every decision and motive is filtered through these feelings. We wonder about our worth, our abilities, or if what we have to offer...the world even desires. Self-doubt becomes our constant companion while we, like Columbus, try to find our way in the vastness of - not the ocean as Columbus - a sea of faces strewn over the earth. And when we make port, thinking we have hit our India, we base our judgments on false information and assumptions that only perpetuate mythical realities...
We've all been there; have we not? Nothing seems to go right. The kids fall ill, one by one; a key account cancels the order that was to make the year for you - and simultaneously significantly alter your net worth; "all of a sudden," you and your significant other take "Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus" literally and begin speaking in different tongues - one speaking squirrel, the other speaking whale; every light is red [especially when you're late]; the State Trooper misses the bright red corvette that was driving at 90 mph, but tags you, in your gray Ford Taurus driving at 75 mph in a 70 mph zone. The list goes on...
...isn't it tempting to throw our hands in the air? To wish the end would come? It's adding insult to injury when the storm comes through and blows the house down, but leaves the west wall - only to have a small gust snap a pine that crashes the last remnants of what used to be your home...isn't it? "C'est vrai! La vie es tres dificile!" my late high school French teacher taught us. Life can be difficult. It's not, as Celia Cruz sings: "La vida es un carnaval." It's not often a joy and a party. Yet, in all honesty, it is you and I that decide whether or not we find joy in it. It all comes down to a choice.
The tide turns when we realize that, had our mission and role been accomplished on Earth, we'd be elsewhere. So long as we have zoe, the breath of life, in us, there's yet more for us to do. It may be to hug our children more, serve the community more, develop technologies that will shape future generations, or improve the human condition through our service as teachers, nurses, or...speakers?
Whatever our role is, then, it is not complete. Each of us 6.5 billions souls on Earth have a role to play. Do you know your role?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

"Mailo"

"Mailo" - Yesterday...or Tommorow

Nyanja, like many of the other 60 plus languages of Zambia, is an interesting language. For most who speak only one language, the intricacies of meaning can be lost because they have only one referent. For those of us who are bi or multi lingual, language is something to behold. As I thought about what to write this week, I was brought back to our propensity for living in the past...
I know...we've talked about this before, but after working with someone this week who is fiercely fighting a daunting and haunting past, I thought it prudent to address it again. In Nyanja, the same word is used to refer to yesterday and tomorrow. In order for one to know which it refers to, one would need to pay particular attention to the discussion. I find that this attentiveness is the same we need for us to overcome daunting and haunting pasts...
If you're like many of us, the economy has affected you in some small or significant way. If you're like most of us, you've become proficient at kicking yourself for the decisions you made or the actions you took. Regardless of the economy's effect on you, you have to be careful how you use "mailo" - are you going to focus on "mailo yesterday" or "mailo tomorrow"? The choice you make will determine whether you become better...or bitter. What say you?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Bitter Waters

...if you take anger into a second day, anger changes: it morphs into bitterness
- Kerry & Chris Shook in "One Month to Live"

I just returned from one of my two monthly blood donations. The team at The Woodlands Neighborhood Donor Center and I have become quite close; constantly teasing and filling the suite with laughter. I have the unique opportunity, twice a month, to give both platelets and plasma; essentials for trauma victims as well as cancer patients (since donating my hair is out of the question). I have been donating blood for some time now, yet I am still intrigued by the process of the machine taking my blood and breaking it down into the needed platelets and plasma. While not a true morphing, there is a wonderful transformation of my whole blood into constituent parts...
Anger is quite similar to blood, when you pass it through the "Time and Meditation Machine" - it becomes something else. Sadly, none of its constituents are useful for the giver or the recipients. Whether you are facing the harsh aftermath of the recent turn of economic events or you're dealing with a personal dilemma of catastrophic proportions, there's a possibility that you can, could, or have become bitter.
We have a tendency to want to explain things. And, in the right setting, this can be a wonderful trait. Without it, polio would not have been eradicated nor would many of the technological advancements that have changed our health and way of life been possible . Yet, this incessant need to explain things can also lead us to become bitter. According to The New Ecyclopedic Dictionary of the English Language, the word "bitter" comes from the AngloSaxon word "bitan" - to bite. The problem with biting down without any other thought is that we cannot be nourished - essential, we do not grow.
Imagine being at your favorite steakhouse and ordering their best cut; cooked to your specifications, you cut a piece and do nothing but bite into it. No chewing, no swallowing; nothing. Would you gain anything?
See? That's what happens when we become bitter. We bite down and never enjoy the flavor of life. We do not gain the nutrients from the environment that we need to grow or improve ours and the human condition. There are going to be many ups and downs; and being angry is fine - after all, it is a human emotion. However, we need to be careful not allow our anger (righteous or not) to become something that is of no use to us or others.

What are you doing with your anger?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

"Handle with Care"

"How we handle our tough times stays with us for a long time..."
- Max Lucado in "Facing Your Giants"

I have often wondered what makes an individual great. If you're like me, visions flash before you of individuals you have come to deeply honor and respect. There is an "epitomic" view we each have of what a great individual looks like. We each have what is called an Implicit Personality Theory (IPT) about people; that is, our own sets of hypotheses about what people are like. Armed with our IPTs, we envision what these Champions of Life look like and set our lives against that mold and standard.

The common thread, for the Champions of my world, is tied very closely to how they each handle(d) tough times. That is, what they did when:

• They stumbled...over and over again
• They lost things and people important to them
• They encouraged themselves when discouraged by failure
• They were disappointed and betrayed by others
• The machinery of life simply would not cooperate in their favor

How these individuals handled these and other situations ranks high in my IPT of great individuals. See, I believe that to traverse the world leaping from one mountaintop to another builds less backbone than having to ascend and descend multiple mountains while spending large amounts of time in the valley. To me, the Champions of Life are those individuals who have learned how to handle tough times with clarity and sensitivity to the effects that the decision(s) at hand have for the future...

Our IPT builds on previous and current experience; equally, our ability to handle tough times improves with each tough time. If we can handle tough times with maturity (please note that I did not say we will handle them without fading, failing or falling), we set ourselves up for even better performance the next time another tough time comes. So, today I have two questions for you:

What's your IPT about Champions of Life?
How are you handling tough times?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

I want...OUT!

...the only way out, is through!!


I woke up this morning thinking about the challenges I have faced in the last ten years. As I prepared my decaf Chai Tea, I considered my response to every storm that has come in the last 120 months: death, loss, pain, betrayal, financial tornadoes...
I decided to take inventory because I was concerned about my progress; I wondered if I had grown at all. I wondered whether I was responding to every storm in the same way. I asked myself if I was avoiding the storms again...
Unlike the physical storms that Mother Nature orchestrates, the "storms of growth" cannot be avoided. For those who feel they have successfully avoided them, they become repetitive patterns in their lives until the lessons are learned...
The "storms of growth," I have found, must not only be faced head on, they must be traversed through. Last year, the Gulf Coast experienced Hurricane Ike and the constant word by our local metereologists was to "hunker down" once the storm hit. Again, being a storm whose maestro was Mother Nature, this makes perfect sense.
However, for "storms of growth," the only way out of them is through. I was speechless as I thought about how the only way I would grow ("survive") after the storm was to go through it - not try to drive around it, fly over it, or burrow underneath it...
Did this comfort me? Not really. I just realized that I cannot avoid the highway leading to my growth and improvement. As one friend said, "the highway to heaven is in the desert." I don't know what your "heaven" is, but I can assure you, my friend, that the only way for you to get there is through - not under, through, or over...
What storm(s) are you avoiding?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Tough Psychology

"Feeling inadequate has a universal zip code"
- Victory Ford on Season II of NBC's 'Lipstick Jungle'


I'd like to meet anyone who does not have "crises of quality" - OK, fine; this is a phrase I use to mask the feelings of "inadequacy" or "impotence" we all get to feel at some point(s) in our lives. This is a time when we doubt the quality of God's workmanship in us and feel completely useless and lacking in viability. For many of us, this is a tough season marked by picking through the rubble of the financial tornado that has hit many of our businesses and homes...


I have to say, however, that the great challenge of our age is not at the bank or on the job, but in the mind. Fighting feelings of inadequacy is a full time job. Things may even be going wonderfully for us, yet we still feel inadequate. I had to counsel a friend recently who had just began a relationship and was basically sabortaging the relationship because of a "crisis of quality" - also known as "insecurity". There was little wrong with the relationship; she was just feeling threatened and inadequate by, don't laugh, ghosts! Yes, ghosts! The things she'd experienced in the past extended their long arms and were sucking life out of her present!


Our mental health is vital to any success we might enjoy - with family, with work, or with others. Nothing threatens our mental health more than feeling inadequate and letting those feelings linger and fester. Chasing ghosts leads only to frustration. Looking at life as a gift daily, changes our approach to things. Then, when we feel inadequate, we realize that it's part of our experience as living human beings; and, armed with that knowledge, we press on knowing that we can and will overcome...

What are you feeling today?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Persevering through Adversity...

"In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins - not through strength, but by perseverence."
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr., Author of "Life's Little Instruction Book"



I have always wondered about people who stop just short of the goal...those who give up when a little more would have turned the battle. I am not one to judge; simply pointing out a simple observation. We tend to give up too quickly!

I recently discovered something about myself: I have no desire to run a marathon...not for ego reasons or for accomplishment's sake. I can give a plethora of excuses, but it all boils down to this simple fact: I-have-no-desire. There are, however, other things I wish to accomplish in life - things I greatly desire to see through. For those, I will put my head down, like a Tour de France cyclist, and fight a strong headwind towards the finish line.
When it comes to fighting through adversity, we must put our heads down and keep "cycling" - for some, it's training, writing, learning how to be cordial, or simply giving it the best you've got; for others, it's swinging even when there's no fight left in you...running when you can't feel your legs.

When our desire meets a determination to overcome and do whatever it takes to reach the finish line, we have already attained success. You see, crossing the finish line is the prize; however, we cannot get to the prize at all if we do not have a potent mix of desire and determination. Some say we need to "live life on purpose"...I say that we must be deliberate about life. Nothing "happens" on it's own (see Newton's Laws of Motion) - an object, according to Newton, will remain at rest unless acted upon by an outside force...

So, dear friend, what are you not acting upon? Is it your education? Perhaps your finances? Maybe your marriage? Could it be your career? Are you waiting for things to happen? Or are you being deliberate? Fighting for your end result and causing motion?
Will you act upon the feeling you now have to act?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Adverse Conditions and Attitude...

"The greatest works of admiration, and all the fair examples of renown, out of distress and misery are grown"
– Samuel Daniel, Earl of Southampton


During a recent online conversation with one of my college buddies, I was asked how I was doing. I responded "well" and added a "smily face" to my post. At that, he asked if that was genuine joy or if I was "hysterically smiling in the face of adversity" (nice one, Doug!) - this, of course, prompted me to LOL. Oops...I mean...that prompted me to laugh out loud (really loud). Doug and I have been friends for about five years now and he's come to know me as the boy who pops an optimism pill as much as Dr. House (on Fox's hit show "House") pops pain killers. Needless to say, in this instance, I was simply genuinely overjoyed; but that phrase prompted a thought process that led to what you are now reading...

Taunting, I have found, can be an effective tool to discourage and, in essence, disarm one's enemies. While my opponents during a basketball game are not enemies, they tend to become potent targets for a little dose of trash talking (though limited to people I know). I was always told that basketball is a thinking game; so, all things being equal, athleticism accounts for much but is useless without solid "basketball IQ." In taunting, I get to test the IQ of my opponents and see if their game can withstand a barage and torrent...no, deluge, of taunts. The best of them tend to only play better; the worst of them, become puppets...and I, the puppeteer.

Adverse conditions are universal; no matter one's station in life, challenges will come. What seems to differentiate those who overcome and succeed and those who do not is this: attitude. I believe that we must constantly evaluate our "Life IQ" to see if we are tooling and retooling regularly to match changing conditions. Those with a high "Life IQ" know that if one is not coming out of a challenge or in one presently, then the challenge is around the corner; so, they prepare. It's been said that "chance favors the prepared"...so the chances of one overcoming and withstanding the deluge and torrent of adversity greatly increase when one is...well...ready.

One amazing tool to use is to "hysterically smile in the face of adversity". It helps you change your perspective, and, in turn, helps you change your attitude. I am sad to report that we make ourselves victims far too much; we choose to be overcome by things we ought to know are common to all. Just like Christmas comes once every year, and at the same time, yet people fail to prepare (and in turn prepare to fail), adversity is going to come; we just need to learn how to be ready.

Are you ready? Is your life boarded up for the storm? Do you have supplies to last you through and past the harsh conditions? Do you have insurance to cover any damage? Or are you simply hoping against hope that the storm will miss your city and go elsewhere?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

More on the Past and Learning...

"Our world is changing faster than ever before, and the importance of learning is growing even faster. Any significant improvement in life...is based on learning."
- Ronald Gross in 'Peak Learning'

I'm not certain how this has happened in the recent past, but I am finding myself in the middle of discussions about the past a lot lately. Just recently, I met with a friend who was sorely disappointed by the actions of someone close. The results of those actions were far-reaching, and also were causing much present grief. I could not help but think how this was a potent situation for growth - after all, I thought, what could be a greater impetus for higher level living and thinking than learning [in the words of the title of Dr. Seligman's book] "what you can change and what you can't"?

"The knowledge of the difference between what we can change and what we must accept in ourselves is the beginning of real change," says Dr. Martin P. Seligman. It worries me, this lack of appreciation for who we are. That is, our inability to change some things - especially those things that are in the past. As I sat with my friend, I realized just how much pain the situation was bringing - I could empathize. At the same time, I was concerned that a viable learning opportunity was being wasted; all in the name of "venting". What was being missed, however, was that nothing could be done about the past - all that remained was the present.

I know that some situations come down on us like a ton of bricks, but our reactions to them matters much more than anything else (after proper medication attention, of course). In essence, what have we learned from the situation? What is the take away? How does this affect our future? Where do we go from there? All these questions, and more, are key to the understanding requisite for self-improvement. You see, we cannot truly improve unless we are willing to accept that each experience in life can be and should be used as a learning tool. There is so much unpredictability in the world; we tend to flow better in life when we learn to not only live life but experience it. The full experience of life is based on an honest evaluation of ourselves, daily.

That said, how are you doing? Are you experiencing life? Or are you merely...living?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

My Past...

"We are never defined by our past...we are only prepared by it."
- Alexander Phiri, Milton Keynes, England (emphasis mine)

Alex and I share many common life experiences; when we have our "almost weekly" phone conversations, it's both encouraging and challenging. Kindred hearts and spirits...we're separated by the Atlantic but united by a bond of brotherhood like no other. In a recent conversation, Alex and I were discussing the past: its ability to render impotent even the most viable dreams and its uncanny manouevers against creativity. It was then that Alex said: "You know, Sid, we are never defined by our past...we are only prepared by it." He went on to share how every single act, situation, and thought from my past is the eclectic education I needed to function effectively in my present.

I wonder, then...
...at what point does the past become a preparatory tool? Friends, I believe that it is when we choose - when we become bold enough to face our past and declare it our "Future Preparatory School." It's been said that mistakes are only made when one does not learn from them. In other words, if you learned from it, it is not a mistake. That is, it was necessary to educate you about a particular thing or situation. Think about it: it is that one math problem, that one grammar issue that you made that became something you'd never forget. Why? Because you allowed it to become a learning opportunity.

I know that this is a difficult season we're going through at present; pirates are terrorizing folks on the high seas, brands we've come to consider household staples are being phased out, factories we've come to think of as part of our towns are shutting down, and, now, a pathogen that has nothing to do with pork is making its worldwide tour! To top it all off, we're in the midst of our own personal financial recessions, depressions and meltdowns. At the risk of sounding insensitive to these and other issues clogging our mental arteries...so what!? What do we do now? How do we move past this and gain the higher ground? How do we become even more of the men, women and children we've been destined and crafted to be?

How about allowing each situation to marinate and then become a learning opportunity? Why not learn from our financial mishaps? Our complacency? Our apathy? Whatever we do, there are only two choices here: become astute and studious about the past or let it extend its long arm into your present to beat you to a pulp. I hope you will instead, like me, sharpen your pencil and bring your notepad...
...what do you have to lose?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

There's Something...

"How does a person survive his own life, the ceaseless surprises, uncertainties, struggles, reroutings in strange, inconvenient directions? What force is it, exactly, that flips a falling man back on his feet, reconstitutes him after disaster, helps him prevail in the face of challenges far beyond his previous limits? What mysterious strength is it that enables us to outsmart 'the terrorists within,' those destructive maniacs under the skin - cynicism, despair, resignation, terror - that threaten to stop us in our tracks? Finally, how is it possible not merely to survive our greatest obstacles but to prevail in circumstances that threaten to stop us?"
- "When You're Falling, Dive", Mark Matousek

Questions...
...the seeds of discovery.

No doubt, as the turbulence of our present world presses hard against our minds, we all have questions. "Are we going to make it?" "Will I keep my home?" "My car?" "My job?" "How will I feed and clothe the children?" "What kind of man/woman am I?" "Unable to provide?"

Yes, these are truly potent and real questions. They haunt many of us daily with seemingly justifiable intensity. Yet, the truth is that these questions are like seedless watermelons; great to snack on but cannot produce a thing! They do good to nourish us for the day, but give us nothing for our future or our posterity...

Matousek is on to something with his questions, though; there IS something in us - whether it is latent or currently in use - that can and should be exploited to pull us out of our challenge, our misery...our dilemma. You see, the first rule of holes is very simple: STOP DIGGING! "Watermelon Questions" get us deeper into our hole; they remove responsibility from us and place it on others. Rather than give us something to "carry forward," they bribe us with the sweetness of immediate gratification...and while intoxicated by this sweetness, the same children we're concerned for - our posterity - lose out on a stronger future because we've refused to face the giant.

I believe that the RIGHT questions can pull us out of many challenges; again, it has to be the RIGHT questions. Many people saw the apple fall; Newton not only asked "why" - he asked the RIGHT question. I'm quite certain that "how"..."when"..."where"...or "who" might have been questions to ask as well. However, it was that "why" question that brought us scientific discovery that has shaped our world in a significant way. You and I don't have to be a Newton to make a dent on history; all we have to do is ask ourselves the right questions so that we can effectively become better suited and armed for a greater and bolder future.

What questions, then, are you asking yourself? Are you in the doldrums, completely lost in your own world and feeling sorry for yourself? Or are you now seeking opportunities based on the changes in the circumstances? Whatever you do, or are doing, one thing is for sure: the outcome is clear whichever way you go. That is why your CHOICE is much more important right now than your situation...

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Empathy

"Empathy...lubricates human relationships"
- Harvey Mackay

An interesting discussion ensued this week, as I shared with my interpersonal communication students the basic tenets of empathy...
...its power to let others know we're listening...its ability to remind us of our own brokenness and need for connection. No matter what kind of relationship we're dealing with, it is improved when the other person feels important - understood and appreciated. "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care," its been said. It couldn't be put any more succinctly!
As we all battle the New Economy, "good people" are facing difficult situations and the arbitrary measures we use to size people up - credit scores, for instance - matter so little. Recently, I was sitting one of my former students' office, a Vice President at a bank, when one of his associates dropped the fancy keys of a BMW X5 - the individual who had the vehicle simply could not keep up with the payments...
Are we to judge that individual, as their credit scores will undoubtedly reflect? I do not know the specific circumstances of the individual's situation, but I do know that most people do not "let go" of homes or vehicles with no compunction; it is something that is difficult and worthy of empathy.
While large corporations declare bankruptcy, individuals suffer from not only job loss but also from "self loss." Because so much of our identity is stooped in what we do and where we do it, it can be a distressing experience to have what we do and where we do it taken away. Yet, my friends, there is hope...

I read recently about a study that said the following:

"Life crises can have long-term positive effects on life. Over 87 percent of people studied said crises like the death of a loved one, illness, breakup, divorce, etc., gave them a stronger sense of purpose in life."

So...what are you doing with your crises?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Who Determines the Pace?

"...except for the elite, marathoners do not really compete against each other"
- Harvey Mackay, "Pushing the Envelope...All the Way to the Top"

I was speaking recently at a graduation and expressed an important thought to the graduates and their families: YOU WILL HAVE TO DETERMINE YOUR FUTURE; IF NOT, SOMEONE ELSE WILL SURELY DO IT FOR YOU!

With the interesting state of the economy, many of us are in reactive and panic mode. Let me be sure to note that I do not take lightly the fact that jobs are being lost, homes and vehicles are being taken away, or that retirement and college savings are all but part of a disappearing act or "trick" (where, of course, the audience is not applauding in sheer and joyful amazement). Yet, there's something to be said about focusing on the most important things: WE determine who we ARE during this process.

The late Erich Fromm, psychoanalyst extraordinaire, wrote a book entitled "To Have or to Be". What a potent story just in the title! It's not about what we have or are losing, friends; it's about WHO we are becoming as a result of the losses we are incurring.

"Whatever, Kozhi; you're not feeling the pangs of labor as I am!" you say. Really? I know about loss, my friends; not only do I know about loss, I am intimately acquainted with it - it's on my speed dail! $34,000 project vanished! An entire month's worth of speaking and training cancelled. I don't know what you're going through, but I am acquainted with what you're feeling. While I may not be an expert in your situation, I AM in mine and I know that this all stinks. But so does manure...yet it's amazing what it does for the plant life it is spread over...

What am I trying to say? Don't base your judgments in this situation on how you're faring compared to those around you - they have their own issues to deal with. Like a marathoner, focus on COMPLETING your 26 miles and 385 yards.

YOU determine the pace; take ownership and pride in that. Our bank accounts and investments may have zeroed, but it's not what we have but who we ARE. Let us, collectively, focus on who we're going to be because of, and in spite of, this tough and challenging time. I believe in your ability to triumph. Yet, as Mackay says, "you'll never turn TRY into TRIUMPH...without adding the UMPH!"

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Stress

"Stress is the fertilizer of creativity"
- Jon Vogt ("24")

With the global economy as it is, "stress" has become the staple of many minds. If you aren't feeling the pangs as a woman in labor, you are among the fortunate few. Over the weeks, I have been quietly researching and recording the vocal thoughts of both the well-to-do and the middle class. It is amazing how there is stress in each of these classes. The middle class hope to save their homes and vehicles primarily, while the well-to-do hope to stop the hemorraging in their investment accounts. With that precursor, it is quite clear that we are all feeling the stress that comes with an economic downturn...

Bear with me, then, as I play my psychoanalytical role for a few moments. Stress, as a matter of course, is not a bad thing. In fact, stress can be in two forms: eustress and distress. Eustress is the stress that is necessary for everyday functioning. For instance, it takes this kind of stress to keep your body and muscles in correct balance for you to stand, sit, drive, etc. Distress, on the other hand, is "negative" stress that overloads your mind, body, soul, and spirit. While eustress helps the body to function, distress overloads the body and stunts growth as well as causes damage that may be irreparable...

...the fortunate thing for you and I, then, is that we can make a choice about how we let the stresses of life affect and, in turn, move us. I am hardpressed to think of any organization today that is using the same strategy it used during the economic boom years. All of us, individuals and organizations alike, must now "improvise, overcome, and adapt" (Born Beating the Odds) within this immensely challenging environment. Failure to do so means only one thing: extinction. All of us are innundated with doom and gloom as it pertains to organizations (which, for all intents and purposes, are living, breathing and tax-paying "individuals") but there's another group we hear nothing about: us!

Many of us are going through emotional, psychological, spiritual, and, yes, physical extinction. We feel as though we have failed - terribly! Our homes are in jeopardy, our children's 529s are now 5.9s and let's not even talk about those 4.1Ks that were once 401Ks. We need to remember, however, that we are more than our homes and other assets. Yes, we have a physical self, a social self, and a spiritual self. We just need to be careful not to equate our loses in our physical self (the sum total of our assets and benefits) to the totality of WHO we are. We are human BEINGS - ever changing...and, hopefully, ever growing. The essence of change, my friends, is growth. We must grow from this stress - not become smaller or weaker.

When we work out in the gym, we are putting stress on our muscles - not for them to become weaker, but for them to become stronger. Muscles grow when they become longer. They become longer the more you stretch (I know...a true pun for "stress"). So, consider this season a time of stretching. For, it is the "warm up" that you need to ensure that your "muscles" grow and you become even more of the unique and special individual that you are!

Talk to me...

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

We "don't" have a Choice?

The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice
- George Eliot

With the economic titanic having hit its iceberg, many, if not most, of us are wondering if there's any hope...any recourse. We're all wondering what tomorrow will look like but we're terrified by the shadows we see today. Bailout? Foreclosure? Repo? Recession? The Great Depression? Layoff? Unemployement? All these words and phrases have become as common as the word "Google" and it's not settling well with us.

While the seriousness of this situation and time we are in cannot be underscored, it is important to note that we are not helpless in this situation. We cannot be tossed and driven by the waves of each news report; we cannot be utterly destroyed by each ding on our credit report. We must, instead, recognize that we have a choice in all of this. We get to choose which attitude we will carry towards the challenges before us. Sure, it's pretty easy to say this when someone is not facing a repo, foreclosure, or unemployment; but be assured that we are ALL facing the same climate - some of us have just chosen to carry an umbrella in the middle of the rain.

There is no way to predict which way things will go in a good economy or in a bad one; in either one, there is only one predictor of success and peace - MY attitude...MY choices. Like you, I don't know how much more pressure my heart, my mind, my soul, my finances, or my sanity can take; but I do know that, when it's all said and done, it will all come down to the choices I make with regard to HOW I view each and every circumstance before me.

"Choice is the essence of what I believe it is to be human," said Liv Ullmann (1984). Let us each make being a human amazing by embracing the fact that we DO have a choice - even though there is nothing but darkness around us and we cannot see our way out...

A Final Thought on Personality

THE WELL-DEVELOPED, WELL-INTEGRATED PERSONALITY IS THE HIGHEST PRODUCT OF EVOLUTION, THE FULLEST REALIZATION WE KNOW OF IN THE UNIVERSE
- Julian Huxley (1887-1975)

We spend a great deal of our lives learning who we are and becoming more of what and who we really are. It is when we have become comfortable with who and what we are that our very best self is portrayed. It can be seen in the way we treat ourselves, the way we treat others (friends, foes or strangers), and the attitude with which we conduct our daily lives.
More than anything, we learn that we are more powerful than we can ever imagine! We learn that we are co-authors of our destinies; while forces outside of us (family, work, God, etc) may be at work, what is at work within us is of even greater consequence. That is, our personality can become an amazing tool of leverage so that we constantly aspire for greater things.
Yet, and even so, it is in learning who we really are that we can aspire for greatness. Until we are comfortable with who we are, we will never bring our best to the thrill of being alive (with all of life's twists and turns). The challenge, then, is to develop a solid understanding of who we are so that we can be comfortable with what we do have and what we do not. Who knows? We may just discover an innate ability that might benefit the world in a marvelous fashion...

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

More on "Personality as Leverage"

PERSONALITY CAN NEVER DEVELOP UNLESS THE INDIVIDUAL CHOOSES HIS OWN WAY, CONSCIOUSLY AND WITH MORAL DELIBERATION (Carl Jung, 1875-1961)

Choice? We have a "say" in our personality? An emphatic "yes"! While we may be a product of nature and nurture, there is a lot that we have a say about; we cannot continue to hide behind the cloak of being affected - we must affect!

Life never gives us the perfect settings. We work with bosses and colleagues we do not particularly care for; we drive next to individuals whose vehicular skills are highly questionable; we are affected by whether it is minus forty degrees outside or 100 degrees. Either way, the personality we CHOOSE to display in the face of each of these and other circumstances truly determines just how well we cope with the challenges and joys of life.

Having a personality that beckons others towards us is something that can be worked on! Solomon, the wisest man of the his time, said simply: "If you want friends, be friendly!" It is amazing how such a disposition towards others can draw them to want to learn more about you and what you're about.

You see, the truth is that REAL people aren't truly interested in WHAT you do, they are interested in WHO you are! Try it......you may just shock yourself into amazing circumstances...

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Personality as Leverage

Carl Jung noted: "Real increase of personality means consciousness of an enlargement that flows from inner sources." I believe that it is this component of who we REALLY are that we hide so much yet it could yield the most satisfying relationships and other great returns.
When we are comfortable with not only WHO we are but also WHAT we are, it means that we never have to rely on "polish" to connect with others. Some call this ability to "just be" one's "charisma" or "the IT factor". I have found that we all have the "IT" factor - we are just not happy with "IT"!
When we operate from the core of our being, we never have to be anything other than what we really are; in other words, we are genuine. And it is the most genuine people that connect better with others and seem to get all the breaks. However, we have to begin my taking stock of what lies deep within our personality.
Psychologist Robert Johnson's 1993 book is perfectly titled "Owning Your Own Shadow." The denials we are so passionate about making with respect to who we really are only show that we have to learn how to own our own shadows - after all, we ALL have them! To flourish in a fast-paced world, we must be adept at being real and honest with ourselves, first and foremost. Only then can we be comfortable and real with others.
There is much in each of our personalities that is wonderful and much that is not so. It is in our ability to take honest inventory that we begin a journey of self-discovery and enlightenment that will shoot us into new heights. What's YOUR inventory looking like?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

The Fight Against Indifference

"A different world cannot be built by indifferent people"

Part of the "Journey of Significance" requires a layover that gives us the opportunity to choose what kind of world we would like to see in the present and leave for the future. Without this layover, we become nonchalant about the state of our lives, those of our family, friends, neighbors, and, ultimately, all of humanity. Such, unfortunately, is the live we have become accustomed to; we have become indifferent and "don't care either way" as one person said to me once.

If we truly wish the world to be different, we have to stand for something - something grander than ourselves and what's immediately best for us. I believe there are only two kinds of people in the world: those who live my preference, and those who live by conviction. Outside of these, others are simply indifferent; and it is these indifferent people can become an intolerable nuisance to themselves, family, friends, neighbors, and, yes, the world at large. This is because they have made no choice...no decision...and have no sense of purpose and direction for life. They do not stand for anything...so, often, they fall for everything.

The SIGNIFICANT Life is about discovering what we will live for and what will die for. It is easier to become a martyr than to live for something. We quickly stand front and center to die for something (our country, our children, our values) but not a decibel can be heard when we are required to live for something. Such is the state of human experience and existence today; shoddy and indifferent...

**Our discussion on "leverage" will continue over the coming weeks, for those of you following closely. Thank you for your patience.**

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai.
No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.