My Past...

"We are never defined by our past...we are only prepared by it."
- Alexander Phiri, Milton Keynes, England (emphasis mine)

Alex and I share many common life experiences; when we have our "almost weekly" phone conversations, it's both encouraging and challenging. Kindred hearts and spirits...we're separated by the Atlantic but united by a bond of brotherhood like no other. In a recent conversation, Alex and I were discussing the past: its ability to render impotent even the most viable dreams and its uncanny manouevers against creativity. It was then that Alex said: "You know, Sid, we are never defined by our past...we are only prepared by it." He went on to share how every single act, situation, and thought from my past is the eclectic education I needed to function effectively in my present.

I wonder, then...
...at what point does the past become a preparatory tool? Friends, I believe that it is when we choose - when we become bold enough to face our past and declare it our "Future Preparatory School." It's been said that mistakes are only made when one does not learn from them. In other words, if you learned from it, it is not a mistake. That is, it was necessary to educate you about a particular thing or situation. Think about it: it is that one math problem, that one grammar issue that you made that became something you'd never forget. Why? Because you allowed it to become a learning opportunity.

I know that this is a difficult season we're going through at present; pirates are terrorizing folks on the high seas, brands we've come to consider household staples are being phased out, factories we've come to think of as part of our towns are shutting down, and, now, a pathogen that has nothing to do with pork is making its worldwide tour! To top it all off, we're in the midst of our own personal financial recessions, depressions and meltdowns. At the risk of sounding insensitive to these and other issues clogging our mental arteries...so what!? What do we do now? How do we move past this and gain the higher ground? How do we become even more of the men, women and children we've been destined and crafted to be?

How about allowing each situation to marinate and then become a learning opportunity? Why not learn from our financial mishaps? Our complacency? Our apathy? Whatever we do, there are only two choices here: become astute and studious about the past or let it extend its long arm into your present to beat you to a pulp. I hope you will instead, like me, sharpen your pencil and bring your notepad...
...what do you have to lose?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

There's Something...

"How does a person survive his own life, the ceaseless surprises, uncertainties, struggles, reroutings in strange, inconvenient directions? What force is it, exactly, that flips a falling man back on his feet, reconstitutes him after disaster, helps him prevail in the face of challenges far beyond his previous limits? What mysterious strength is it that enables us to outsmart 'the terrorists within,' those destructive maniacs under the skin - cynicism, despair, resignation, terror - that threaten to stop us in our tracks? Finally, how is it possible not merely to survive our greatest obstacles but to prevail in circumstances that threaten to stop us?"
- "When You're Falling, Dive", Mark Matousek

Questions...
...the seeds of discovery.

No doubt, as the turbulence of our present world presses hard against our minds, we all have questions. "Are we going to make it?" "Will I keep my home?" "My car?" "My job?" "How will I feed and clothe the children?" "What kind of man/woman am I?" "Unable to provide?"

Yes, these are truly potent and real questions. They haunt many of us daily with seemingly justifiable intensity. Yet, the truth is that these questions are like seedless watermelons; great to snack on but cannot produce a thing! They do good to nourish us for the day, but give us nothing for our future or our posterity...

Matousek is on to something with his questions, though; there IS something in us - whether it is latent or currently in use - that can and should be exploited to pull us out of our challenge, our misery...our dilemma. You see, the first rule of holes is very simple: STOP DIGGING! "Watermelon Questions" get us deeper into our hole; they remove responsibility from us and place it on others. Rather than give us something to "carry forward," they bribe us with the sweetness of immediate gratification...and while intoxicated by this sweetness, the same children we're concerned for - our posterity - lose out on a stronger future because we've refused to face the giant.

I believe that the RIGHT questions can pull us out of many challenges; again, it has to be the RIGHT questions. Many people saw the apple fall; Newton not only asked "why" - he asked the RIGHT question. I'm quite certain that "how"..."when"..."where"...or "who" might have been questions to ask as well. However, it was that "why" question that brought us scientific discovery that has shaped our world in a significant way. You and I don't have to be a Newton to make a dent on history; all we have to do is ask ourselves the right questions so that we can effectively become better suited and armed for a greater and bolder future.

What questions, then, are you asking yourself? Are you in the doldrums, completely lost in your own world and feeling sorry for yourself? Or are you now seeking opportunities based on the changes in the circumstances? Whatever you do, or are doing, one thing is for sure: the outcome is clear whichever way you go. That is why your CHOICE is much more important right now than your situation...

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.

Empathy

"Empathy...lubricates human relationships"
- Harvey Mackay

An interesting discussion ensued this week, as I shared with my interpersonal communication students the basic tenets of empathy...
...its power to let others know we're listening...its ability to remind us of our own brokenness and need for connection. No matter what kind of relationship we're dealing with, it is improved when the other person feels important - understood and appreciated. "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care," its been said. It couldn't be put any more succinctly!
As we all battle the New Economy, "good people" are facing difficult situations and the arbitrary measures we use to size people up - credit scores, for instance - matter so little. Recently, I was sitting one of my former students' office, a Vice President at a bank, when one of his associates dropped the fancy keys of a BMW X5 - the individual who had the vehicle simply could not keep up with the payments...
Are we to judge that individual, as their credit scores will undoubtedly reflect? I do not know the specific circumstances of the individual's situation, but I do know that most people do not "let go" of homes or vehicles with no compunction; it is something that is difficult and worthy of empathy.
While large corporations declare bankruptcy, individuals suffer from not only job loss but also from "self loss." Because so much of our identity is stooped in what we do and where we do it, it can be a distressing experience to have what we do and where we do it taken away. Yet, my friends, there is hope...

I read recently about a study that said the following:

"Life crises can have long-term positive effects on life. Over 87 percent of people studied said crises like the death of a loved one, illness, breakup, divorce, etc., gave them a stronger sense of purpose in life."

So...what are you doing with your crises?

(c) 2009, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.